totalpackage Funny Status Messages

   I wonder why these "Occupy Wall St." people can't find a more exciting place to protest like Hooters or Bourbon Street?!...By the looks of most of them, they would be lucky if they could occupy Sesame Street!

   Hussein☑ Bin Laden ☑ Ghadafi ☑ Jerry Sandusky ☐.....I'm sending "SEAL Team 6" over to Sandusky's at Penn State to take care of this matter!

   Conrad Murray got 4 years in the slam for killing Whacko Jacko......But he's feeling much better about the outcome since Lindsay Lohan assured him he'd probably be released in about 12 hours...

   noticed it's very difficult these days to find something on television that doesn't have to do with cake! :/

   Casey Anthony turned up missing after being released from jail....Florida police plan on sending officers to investigate it----In 31 days.

   I sure wish they'd invent an app that keeps birds from crapping on my car! :/

   I think these bath salts turned me into Hannibal Lector...I just ate a Jehovah's Witness with a side of fava beans! ツ

   After losing Gronkowski to injury and Hernandez for murder, I heard Tom Brady is ecstatic that Tim Tebow will be handling the duty of "tight end" next season. ツ

   Steelers menu tonight: 4 & 20 black (dirty) birds baked in a pie!

   I wished I had a Med-Alert bracelet....I've fallen off the fiscal cliff, and I can't reach my Jager-Bomb! ツ

   I set my daylight savings time back 13 years so I could party like it was 1999!

   I love to use the holidays as an excuse to gift, re-gift and de-gift meaningless merchandise.....I wonder if that would qualify me as an "Indian Gifter"? ツ

   I bought myself a shiny new toy that goes from zero to 215 in just three seconds......L.E.D bathroom scales! ツ

   Apparently one of those 3 wishes he got from "Jeanie" didn't include livong forever....RIP Larry Hagman

   At least they performed better than the Ram pickup you push to Kragen every day...lol.----Okay, not original but I HAD to do it!

   I don't understand Bill Clinton's surge in popularity....Didn't he leave office a dozen years ago as an impeached, disgraced, censured, lying, philandering 2 timing, womanizing, intern-humping, hillbilly?

   I really wish "Mayhem" from Allstate would eliminate "Flo" from Progressive!

   A new poll says 50% want Trump and 50% want Killary... Me?... I just want a lobotomy..

   Andy Rooney vapor locked today at age 92. I don't want to say he was old, but I heard his Social Security number was "1".....RIP you miserable old fart!

   All I'm saying is that teasing orthodontic patients does NOT make me a "brace-ist!"