MWC Funny Status Messages

   Flip Flops are the Glass Slippers of the South

   I'm exercising, eating right & watching my alcohol intake. So don't cross me...I'm sober & I'm cranky.

   Sence its started raining, all my wife has done is looking through the windows. If it gets any worse I'm gonna have to let her in!

   Be kind to your dentist because he has fillings too.

   You know your old when you come close to shaving your nipple off while trying to shave your legs!

   You know the ZZ Top song, Sharp Dressed Man? I stop singing after "every girls crazy"

   My wife told me I had a great face for radio. That wasn't nice. At least my ex's said nice things about me, they said I was better in bed then most my friends

   Man that wind is really blowing hard out. I seen a chicken lay the same egg three times..

   Life holds many challenges an can be quite frustrating. Especially for you because you're a dumba$$.

   Hey! Just because I'm a jerk to your face, doesn't mean I don't talk sweet about you behind your back!

   As a kid I remember my dad taking us to a hill and rolling us down in tires. Them were Good Years

   The only thing worse than a cold toilet seat in a Port-A-Potty...is a warm one.

   I stopped talking back to the voices in my head, and now they’ve started texting me…

   FREE HARLEY DAVIDSON; When you purchase a tee-shirt for $40.000

   Its hard to soar like an eagle when ur running around with turkeys

   Its the end of the world as we know it, but I feel fine

   I praise these men and women of this proud and God fearing nation they are so important to the history of this country with out them we would be under someone else's rule. I thank you mlitary men and women. Posted to the idiot who didn't sign his name!!

   You know your getting fat when you go to unbotton your pants...and it already done

   Going vegetarian is a missed steak.......sorry had to

   Today local police found an unidentified man's body in a park nearby. They describe him as having a Beer Belly, Saggy Balls, Wrinkly Ass and a tiny little Wiener. I was just checking to make sure that you are okay.