Huck Funny Status Messages

   Wow. I have 4 events today, none of which I agreed to go to or expressed any interest in whatsoever. Thanks, Facebook!

   If you can't say anything nice, at least be vague with a touch of sarcasm, so you can share it with your friends behind their back later

   When asked "What's Up" respond "A delightful animated film about a young boy and an old man who fly away to an exotic place in a balloon house."

   I can't decide what I should be for halloween or any other day

   A curling iron is not effective at turning regular fries into curly fries. I know that now.

   I have nothing in common with people who replace bread ties.

   Your screenshots of text message conversations tell me: 1. you have a great sense of humor 2. to never trust you

   You can tell its getting warmer out. The first mullets of spring have appeared.

   Is it necessary for every office-building stairwell to look like a Law & Order crime scene?

   I'm making money in my spare time by working.

   Sign said "WET PAINT" So I emptied my water bottle on it. I'm currently waiting on further instructions.

   My road to success is under construction and all the workers are out getting drunk.

   If you think this years elections were nasty think of the ones in thirty years when all of the candidates had a Facebook their entire life.

   My generation's zombies didn't run. They walked. Uphill. In the snow. They ate what brains they could find and they liked it.

   I get the same feeling at the dentist that I get when a cop car is behind me; I haven't done anything wrong, but I feel incredibly guilty.

   I like how on cop cars, "To protect and serve" is in quotes, like they're being sarcastic.

   The most frightening thing about nightmares is realizing that they were created by your mind.

   Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.

   the best way to understand paranoid people is to follow them around.

   What's the best age to tell your kids that they have a weak rap game?