Aaron Funny Status Messages

   if The Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me.

   Ive created a fb group called "threesome" and invited two girls. I'm not going to say a word and just see what happens.

   Opposites attract, that's the trouble with being awesome

   In hindsight, maybe two hours of being snowed in was too soon to eat my family.

   Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in

   If you want to find a needle in a haystack, burn the haystack.

   My doctor said I need to workout with dumb-bells. Would any of you like to go jogging with me?

   The first thing I do when someone introduces themselves to me is forget what their name is.

   Bananas don't go back once they go black either.

   I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.

   I thought Angry Birds was what I get from other drivers.

   I go into Best Buy and ask "Where are your most expensive yet least guarded items?" Then someone is always nearby when I have questions.

   My life coach advised me to run out the clock.

   I swear I can hear Google sigh every time I start typing in their search bar.

   Time for some nighttime sniffling sneezing coughing aching stuffy head fever I can't feel my lips I think I just peed the bed medicine.

   May you have a prosperous New Year. I may need to borrow money.

   When the checkout person tries to put your toilet paper in a bag, tell them it's 'for here', not 'to go'. Then ask them to hurry.

   My bucket list is just the words "afford things" written in orange crayon on a paper towel.

   My pessimism has never failed me, but I'm sure someday it will.

   it's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.