father OR dad Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I'm looking forward to the day when Jesus points to me, and turns to our Father and says, "This one is mine!"
←Rate | 07-07-2011 14:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Father's Day always worries me. I'm afraid I'll get a gift I can't afford.
←Rate | 06-18-2011 22:58 by markmc1965 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Who are you going to believe - me, a husband and father with no criminal record, or some fancy HD security footage from Victoria's Secret?
←Rate | 03-06-2014 13:34 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I brought my M16 in the house the other day and my father asked me what I was so afraid of, I answered "the d$mn Decepticons" I laughed, my dad laughed, the toaster laughed , I shot the toaster...
←Rate | 04-24-2014 00:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In the past seven days, 1 friend of mine gave birth, 1 buried his father, 1 buried her brother, 1 died, 1 got divorced, 2 got married, 1 quit his job, 1 got fired and 6 celebrated birthdays. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm f*cking exhausted.
←Rate | 08-24-2010 09:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ... So Hillary invites the father of the Orlando Gay Nightclub murderer to sit behind her at her rally! Heck ... least she could have done is asked him to wear shades to hide his identity. Hmm REALLY BEGINNING TO QUESTION HER Ability to represent America
←Rate | 08-09-2016 21:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Any fool can be a Father, but it takes a real man to be a Daddy!!
←Rate | 08-29-2011 08:57 by @anikethmendonca Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy Father's Day to all the dads...and whoever's raising T.O.'s kids.
←Rate | 06-17-2012 20:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My father told me "never hit a man while he's down, kick him! It's a whole lot easier!"
←Rate | 03-04-2010 10:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Father's Day; the most confusing day in a trailer park where chances are your father might also be your older brother.
←Rate | 06-16-2013 03:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.
←Rate | 04-04-2012 21:59 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please don't tell my Father that I work in the oil patch..he thinks I'm a piano player in a whore house.
←Rate | 10-13-2010 23:51 by goodeolboy Comments (0)  


   messageicon NOT the father!
←Rate | 10-03-2008 05:38 by Clif Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's like my father used to say "Go get that rock over there... I promise I won't drive away this time."
←Rate | 11-10-2013 17:38 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..thought it was a good thing adding her parents to Facebook until I posted " is going out for the night!" & mum commented "Good! That means me and your father can have loud sex now!". I'll remember to lock my bedroom door before I go out..
←Rate | 11-14-2009 07:16 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.
←Rate | 05-17-2011 01:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon —Mom, what's for dinner? —Nothing, son. Your father studied Graphic Design.
←Rate | 01-15-2014 13:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shout out to all the deadbeat dads and sperm donors this Father's Day. Unbeknownst to you, there are kids everywhere that are becoming AMAZING PEOPLE because they want to be nothing like you.
←Rate | 06-15-2014 13:15 by Goodeolboy Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girl's father got mad at me, for writing my name in piss on the side of his house. I said "what about your daughter sir, it was her handwriting"
←Rate | 04-07-2013 13:38 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon My father is always advising me to find a girl who has the same belief of me as the family does, and then marry her. Why would I want to marry a girl who thinks I'm an idiot?
←Rate | 01-06-2013 20:30 Comments (0)  



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