SEAN Funny Status Messages
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Page: 7 of 38
This pregnancy test confirmed my worst fear..... I'm just fat.
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12-22-2014 13:36 by SEAN
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My smart phone has a lot of capabilities, but none as valuable as being able to pretend I'm on it when I run into someone I know in public.
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04-19-2012 08:49 by SEAN
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I swear if I see one more person enter this WalMart wearing pajamas I am going to take the belt off my bathrobe and choke them with it
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09-27-2014 15:29 by SEAN
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Patience" is what parents have when there are witnesses
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12-07-2011 13:37 by SEAN
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Being alive is so expensive.
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08-20-2013 11:09 by SEAN
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I don't want to brag, but I've been told by no less than 6 women I've ruined their lives.
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09-12-2013 11:13 by SEAN
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well how long before we see KC Royals World Series shirts on the news during an ebola segment in Africa. ...
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10-29-2014 23:45 by SEAN
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Ever have one of those days when your keys kicked your ass at a game of hide and seek?
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04-15-2011 09:08 by SEAN
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Guys communicate by insulting each other, but don't really mean it. Girls communicate by complimenting each other, but don't really mean it.
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09-06-2013 08:59 by SEAN
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The best part about pooping with the door open in the morning is being able to see everyone's face at Starbucks.
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10-17-2012 14:19 by SEAN
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The average fight between men lasts 3 minutes. The average fight between women lasts 17 years.
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10-30-2013 10:36 by SEAN
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Had dinner with a girl tonight! Ok so maybe she was on the tv, but we were eating at the same time so I'm counting it.
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10-25-2011 17:16 by SEAN
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I got fired from work on pajama day... It's not my fault I sleep naked.
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10-15-2012 07:58 by SEAN
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Can't believe it's the Chinese New Year. I'm still writing Rabbit on all of my checks.
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01-24-2012 17:36 by SEAN
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I'm glad Lassie wasnt my dog. I just want to watch TV, I don't want to be constantly rescuing people.
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06-04-2013 14:12 by SEAN
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I have a six figure salary. Unfortunately, all six figures are to the right of the decimal point.
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11-07-2011 14:02 by SEAN
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I didn't sign up for the 401k at my new job, because there's no way I can run that far.
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11-21-2013 10:05 by SEAN
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You name it, my mother knows somebody who died of it.
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12-09-2013 09:50 by SEAN
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The Middle East and Kim Kardashian's a$$ have a lot in common. Both are massive, have tons of oil, and have been invaded by the West.
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10-14-2015 13:38 by SEAN
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People who can't find happiness aren't in a liquor store
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07-11-2011 14:11 by SEAN
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