father OR dad Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I find it fascinating that the Media always has a hard on to ask Ivanka Trump about how HER father treats women .... BUT for some reason NO media outlet whatsoever ...... NEVER asks Chelsea Clinton that. .... Curious isn't it.
←Rate | 07-18-2016 11:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon not sure what's worse.... finding out Darth Vader is your father or remembering that the day before you were trying to f*ck your sister??
←Rate | 10-07-2010 14:54 by levon Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you're lucky enough to still have a dad the best Father's Day gift would be to call the guy and ask his advice about something. Anything.
←Rate | 06-19-2011 13:03 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon - I would quit drinking, but my father didn't raiser a quiter.
←Rate | 01-31-2010 12:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Most kids are taught the normal 'Birds and the Bee's'! Not me I was traumatized! My father explained it to me by showing me a male and female outlet. To this day everytime I plug something in I get all worked up And dont let even show me an extension cord
←Rate | 06-15-2012 09:22 by eddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Any Woman that keeps her Kid from they Father is a Dead Beat mother too!!!
←Rate | 09-16-2012 02:45 by fadolo Comments (1)  

   messageicon Asked my 65 yr old father if he believed in gay marriage. His response "I saw my friends die for freedom. That means freedom for EVERY American."
←Rate | 03-26-2014 17:19 Comments (4)  

   messageicon Struggling with Impostor Syndrome a lot lately. I guess I just need to relax, take a breath, and remind myself that my father was the Czar.
←Rate | 04-28-2012 07:01 by flinnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I see how my boys have loaded the dishwasher I think, “Maybe their father is my cousin.”
←Rate | 03-26-2020 11:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Father: "I'm the BOSS. I make the rules and run this house, understand?" Daughter: "Why are you whispering daddy?" Father: "I don't want your mother to hear me."
←Rate | 08-15-2011 17:29 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon Forgive them father for they are not civilized or educated.
←Rate | 08-29-2014 00:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm looking forward to the day when Jesus points to me, and turns to our Father and says, "This one is mine!"
←Rate | 07-07-2011 14:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Any fool can be a Father, but it takes a real man to be a Daddy!!
←Rate | 08-29-2011 08:57 by @anikethmendonca Comments (0)  

   messageicon Who are you going to believe - me, a husband and father with no criminal record, or some fancy HD security footage from Victoria's Secret?
←Rate | 03-06-2014 13:34 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon My father told me "never hit a man while he's down, kick him! It's a whole lot easier!"
←Rate | 03-04-2010 10:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon There's a Father Nature, too, but all he's responsible for is the temperature.
←Rate | 07-14-2018 12:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In the past seven days, 1 friend of mine gave birth, 1 buried his father, 1 buried her brother, 1 died, 1 got divorced, 2 got married, 1 quit his job, 1 got fired and 6 celebrated birthdays. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm f*cking exhausted.
←Rate | 08-24-2010 09:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I brought my M16 in the house the other day and my father asked me what I was so afraid of, I answered "the d$mn Decepticons" I laughed, my dad laughed, the toaster laughed , I shot the toaster...
←Rate | 04-24-2014 00:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy Father's Day to all the dads...and whoever's raising T.O.'s kids.
←Rate | 06-17-2012 20:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Father's Day; the most confusing day in a trailer park where chances are your father might also be your older brother.
←Rate | 06-16-2013 03:29 Comments (0)  

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