father OR dad Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Father: "I'm the BOSS. I make the rules and run this house, understand?" Daughter: "Why are you whispering daddy?" Father: "I don't want your mother to hear me."
←Rate | 08-15-2011 17:29 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon Forgive them father for they are not civilized or educated.
←Rate | 08-29-2014 00:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm looking forward to the day when Jesus points to me, and turns to our Father and says, "This one is mine!"
←Rate | 07-07-2011 14:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Any fool can be a Father, but it takes a real man to be a Daddy!!
←Rate | 08-29-2011 08:57 by @anikethmendonca Comments (0)  

   messageicon Who are you going to believe - me, a husband and father with no criminal record, or some fancy HD security footage from Victoria's Secret?
←Rate | 03-06-2014 13:34 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Father's Day always worries me. I'm afraid I'll get a gift I can't afford.
←Rate | 06-18-2011 22:58 by markmc1965 Comments (0)  

   messageicon There's a Father Nature, too, but all he's responsible for is the temperature.
←Rate | 07-14-2018 12:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In the past seven days, 1 friend of mine gave birth, 1 buried his father, 1 buried her brother, 1 died, 1 got divorced, 2 got married, 1 quit his job, 1 got fired and 6 celebrated birthdays. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm f*cking exhausted.
←Rate | 08-24-2010 09:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I brought my M16 in the house the other day and my father asked me what I was so afraid of, I answered "the d$mn Decepticons" I laughed, my dad laughed, the toaster laughed , I shot the toaster...
←Rate | 04-24-2014 00:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy Father's Day to all the dads...and whoever's raising T.O.'s kids.
←Rate | 06-17-2012 20:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Father's Day; the most confusing day in a trailer park where chances are your father might also be your older brother.
←Rate | 06-16-2013 03:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My father told me "never hit a man while he's down, kick him! It's a whole lot easier!"
←Rate | 03-04-2010 10:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.
←Rate | 04-04-2012 21:59 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon Please don't tell my Father that I work in the oil patch..he thinks I'm a piano player in a whore house.
←Rate | 10-13-2010 23:51 by goodeolboy Comments (0)  

   messageicon NOT the father!
←Rate | 10-03-2008 05:38 by Clif Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's like my father used to say "Go get that rock over there... I promise I won't drive away this time."
←Rate | 11-10-2013 17:38 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon ..thought it was a good thing adding her parents to Facebook until I posted " is going out for the night!" & mum commented "Good! That means me and your father can have loud sex now!". I'll remember to lock my bedroom door before I go out..
←Rate | 11-14-2009 07:16 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Shout out to all the deadbeat dads and sperm donors this Father's Day. Unbeknownst to you, there are kids everywhere that are becoming AMAZING PEOPLE because they want to be nothing like you.
←Rate | 06-15-2014 13:15 by Goodeolboy Comments (0)  

   messageicon "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.
←Rate | 05-17-2011 01:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon —Mom, what's for dinner? —Nothing, son. Your father studied Graphic Design.
←Rate | 01-15-2014 13:54 Comments (0)  

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