Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon My kidnapers returned me after listening to me talk about conspiracy theories that were true, for two hours straight.
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My phone is always in my hand. So, if you think I’m ignoring you, I am.
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My school taught square dancing in the 4th grade, because you never know when a hoedown will break out.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 01:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Her: You haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said. Him: That’s a weird way to start a conversation.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 02:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Grocery shopping is a constant battle between not buying snacks, so you won’t be tempted and being angry that there’s nothing to eat.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon “I want the truth!” Independent fact checkers, with the direction of the FBI, have concluded that you can’t handle the truth.
←Rate | 01-07-2023 12:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dads tell cheesy jokes not because humor gets worse with age, but because the more life experience you have, the more value you place on anything that might make someone laugh, even if it’s at your own expense.
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just caught my pecker in my zipper. No more zip-up boots for me.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Congratulations, everyone who heard what you just said had their IQ drop 90 points.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your face makes onions cry.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you tell your girl to shave her baby maker and you wake up bald.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing brings more peace, when you stop giving a f*ck.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 18:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We often clean our homes when people are coming over so we can maintain the façade of a clean house that we’ve seen from going to other people’s homes who clean their house to maintain the façade of having a clean house.
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hope your wife brings a date to your funeral.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you don’t do stupid things while you’re young, you’ll have nothing to laugh about when you’re old.
←Rate | 01-10-2023 02:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favorite queso is the one you keep around for emergencies, just in queso.
←Rate | 01-09-2023 03:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have now started asking humans to prove they are not a robot.
←Rate | 05-18-2022 21:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Humans: Dear God, please let 2023 be a good one…. God: You guys are still alive?
←Rate | 01-09-2023 03:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon May life treat you the way you treat waiters and animals.
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You take the blue pill, the election ends, you wake up in your bed and you believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you dispute the fraud and I show you how deep the rabbit hole really goes.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 18:51 Comments (0)  




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