Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 7 of 6367
“I want the truth!” Independent fact checkers, with the direction of the FBI, have concluded that you can’t handle the truth.
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01-07-2023 12:20
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Just heard my knee crack so loud, I expected it to glow in the dark.
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01-07-2023 13:45
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When you tell your girl to shave her baby maker and you wake up bald.
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01-18-2023 01:21
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Nothing brings more peace, when you stop giving a f*ck.
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01-18-2023 18:49
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An idea: “Broke Back Mountain 2” all female cast. This would smash all box office records.
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06-05-2022 02:54
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China Hut: People that don’t like cats, just haven’t had them prepared properly.
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06-08-2022 01:36
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Jurassic World is about a pharma company that uses a DNA-altering pathogen to destroy farmland and deliberately cause a worldwide food crisis to force everyone to buy their products. Science Fiction is Fun!
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06-20-2022 03:31
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Your handwriting is just your hand’s accent.
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07-23-2022 23:29
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One way to be hospitable, is to help visitors know when it’s time to leave.
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01-19-2023 02:19
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All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
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01-07-2023 12:58
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We often clean our homes when people are coming over so we can maintain the façade of a clean house that we’ve seen from going to other people’s homes who clean their house to maintain the façade of having a clean house.
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01-13-2023 02:23
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My wife and I do this role play, where she tells me all the things that need to be fixed around the house and I pretend this is the first time I’m hearing about it. 😂
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01-23-2023 03:04
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Wife just told me that her birthday is tomorrow. Wow, like maybe more of a heads-up next time.
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06-19-2022 02:39
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When you want to help people, you tell the truth. When you want to help yourself, you tell them what they want to hear.
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06-24-2022 23:15
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When someone says, stop living in the past, I say, but the music was so much better then.
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06-26-2022 00:12
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There are some incredibly dumb people in this world. Thank you for helping me understand that.
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01-23-2023 03:49
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Child: I learned a joke at school. Me: Okay, let’s hear it. Child: What goes in stiff, but comes out soft? Me: Child: Me: Child: Me: Is it a- Wife comes running in from another room: IT’S SPAGHETTI! SPAGHETTI!
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01-13-2023 02:20
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If you stay silent and fail to rock the boat in this war between good and evil; your life might be easier, but your children’s won’t.
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01-10-2023 02:21
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You’re not really supposed to do this, but this is what I do. Me: Training a new person at work.
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06-21-2022 22:44
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How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?
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07-23-2022 23:27
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