snotty Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon When it's late and I can't sleep,,, I curl up with a good book and bang it on my head until I'm unconscious.
←Rate | 10-31-2016 19:59 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Walmart Cashier: Did you find everything you were looking for?... Me: Well, I couldn't find-..... Cashier: *finger to my lips* Shhh! I don't actually care.
←Rate | 10-30-2016 14:27 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Meh,,, I guess I'm not against Hillary Clinton taking a drug test?... I'm MORE concerned about the GOP taking a drug test for allowing Donald Trump to be the nominee.
←Rate | 10-23-2016 13:02 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wife: OMG that sex was amazing!... Husband: I swapped my Viagra with junior's ADHD meds... Wife: That explains the call I got from school today
←Rate | 10-22-2016 20:49 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some people's lives are like open books... Mine is like a trashcan without a lid.
←Rate | 10-22-2016 20:45 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon [Juice Bar]...... (Wildebeest disguised as man): 36 shots of wheat grass.... (Lion disguised as Bartender): Follow me out back "sir"..... *hyenas laugh*
←Rate | 10-22-2016 20:36 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bar waitress: "ANYONE KNOW CPR?!"... Me: "Hell, I know the entire alphabet!"... Then everyone laughed & laughed. Well, except that one guy.
←Rate | 10-22-2016 19:28 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon The mainstream media: Covers up vast conspiracies?... Rigs national elections?... Has mind control powers?... Can't convince people to pay $29.99 for cable
←Rate | 10-22-2016 19:26 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Donald Trump wants to keep us in suspense about the survival of our democracy and orderly change of government.... I can't wait!
←Rate | 10-20-2016 17:40 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every time I start to feel happy I remember the shingles virus is already inside me.
←Rate | 10-14-2016 19:13 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon BREAKING NEWS : Bill Cosby withdraws support for Donald Trump
←Rate | 10-09-2016 18:55 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Has anyone considered that Trump might be a Galaxy Note 7?
←Rate | 10-08-2016 18:58 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon The crappy thing is,,, there are people that will vote for Trump,,, but would punish their kids for just saying the word "Pu$$y".
←Rate | 10-08-2016 18:13 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon *shines flashlight under chin... 'And the phones were attached to the walls and didn't have cameras'.... *teenagers scream. Two pass out
←Rate | 10-04-2016 17:35 by Snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Of course Trump hasn't doesn't pay taxes... He knows ALL the good loopholes,, Like, "Mail order brides are tax deductible"
←Rate | 10-04-2016 13:12 by Snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Trump suggests soldiers suffering from PTSD aren't mentally strong.. But EVERYONE knows the true sign of mental strength, is faking bone spurs to avoid serving in Vietnam.
←Rate | 10-04-2016 13:10 by Snotty Comments (1)  

   messageicon Experts say Donald Trump has suffered the worst week of his political career until next week.
←Rate | 10-02-2016 23:02 by Snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know when you get the shivers when you pee?.. That's because you just peed out a ghost.
←Rate | 10-02-2016 22:59 by Snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon NEWS FLASH: Facebook will expand it's efforts to stop online hate speech,, *in other words, they will be shutting down until after the election
←Rate | 09-28-2016 21:08 by Snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon All I'm saying is, would it have killed Star Wars to give the audience a peek at the Death Star cafeteria?
←Rate | 09-28-2016 20:19 by Snotty Comments (0)  

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