lemonpillow Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon ..thinks her computer is so slow, it must be running Windows B.C...
←Rate | 09-14-2010 15:50 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon How do you know if someone has an iPhone? They tell you.
←Rate | 09-14-2010 13:49 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon No matter how old I get, I will always be overly excited when I receive a hand written letter in the mail.
←Rate | 09-14-2010 13:42 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.
←Rate | 09-13-2010 14:10 by lemonpillow Comments (35)  


   messageicon at Ground Zero instead of a mosque they should construct a couple of tall buildings for global trade and commerce. They should be called something like the World Trade Center
←Rate | 09-12-2010 08:54 by Lemonpillow Comments (11)  


   messageicon Here's a secret tip for X-files fans: Drink two bottles of vodka. You'll invariably wake up in a strange place with all recollections of the previous nights events mysteriously "erased".
←Rate | 09-11-2010 13:46 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate.
←Rate | 09-10-2010 13:49 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon If life were more like a movie, we'd all be dead after about 90 minutes.
←Rate | 09-09-2010 13:42 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I will never forget what my dear old Grandad said to me just before he kicked the bucket.He said, "Sarah... how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
←Rate | 09-07-2010 13:25 by lemonpillow Comments (3)  


   messageicon If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
←Rate | 09-04-2010 14:29 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never buy a car you can't push.
←Rate | 09-04-2010 14:25 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you hear about the new magazine for married men published by Playboy? It has the same pictures month after month after month after month after month....
←Rate | 09-04-2010 07:46 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror, I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
←Rate | 09-02-2010 13:13 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do repairmen never have the part they need to fix something and say they'll come back in a few days when they get it? It's like a cop showing up to arrest someone and saying "Oh sorry. Looks like I'll need handcuffs. I'll be back in few days with them
←Rate | 09-02-2010 02:17 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I see someone using a payphone I always think they're arranging the ransom drop off.
←Rate | 09-01-2010 13:26 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you fail at your first two attempts to parallel park, move on.
←Rate | 09-01-2010 13:20 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't reach for the stars. You'll just look like a idiot stretching for no reason.
←Rate | 08-31-2010 17:28 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon My anti-aging face cream gave me acne. No need to go that young, L'Oreal.
←Rate | 08-31-2010 13:35 by lemonpillow Comments (6)  


   messageicon ..is drinking 2% milk, wondering what the other 98% is...
←Rate | 08-31-2010 13:33 by lemonpillow Comments (4)  


   messageicon I'm sorry,Mr. Wasp,but I had to kill you. You're too stupid to see my kitchen window and kept smacking into it. And too stupid to see me trying to help you. Stupidity isn't acceptable in my household. You had to go.
←Rate | 08-30-2010 11:48 by lemonpillow Comments (7)  




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