SEAN Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon If you can text with both hands at the same time, you are Ambi-Textual.
←Rate | 11-07-2011 09:52 by sean Comments (0)  


   messageicon With only one plug in this hospital room it's not looking good for Nana's respirator if my phone battery dies and I have another AWESOME face book status update .
←Rate | 11-07-2011 13:55 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some moments you remember all your life. Reading this, unfortunately, is not one of those moments.
←Rate | 11-07-2011 13:56 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a six figure salary. Unfortunately, all six figures are to the right of the decimal point.
←Rate | 11-07-2011 14:02 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Went to McDonalds this morning, ordered a sausage McMuffin and an OJ- wound up getting a bag full of breakfest borritos and hot cakes- did I get a McF*ckup?
←Rate | 11-10-2011 08:59 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT the correct answers.
←Rate | 11-16-2011 11:14 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days.' I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.
←Rate | 11-16-2011 13:34 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, 'fat chance,' with a face like that!
←Rate | 11-16-2011 13:35 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.
←Rate | 11-16-2011 13:40 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Scared the postman by going to the door naked. I'm not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived.
←Rate | 11-18-2011 14:54 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon ‎20 years from now, some adults are going to say they grew up on the "bad part of town," meaning there was no 4G in that area.
←Rate | 11-18-2011 14:56 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Always carry $100,000 cash on you at all times in case you ever feel like getting a sandwich from an airport.
←Rate | 11-18-2011 14:59 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say animal behavior can warn you when an earthquake is coming. Like the night before that last earthquake hit, our dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona.
←Rate | 11-18-2011 15:03 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I stopped listening to heavy metal after googling "where to buy Anthrax" landed me on several government watch lists.
←Rate | 11-21-2011 17:38 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon My dog was licking his privates. My friend said "I wish I could do that". I said "You better pet him first, he's kind of mean".
←Rate | 11-21-2011 17:39 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon A waffle house is like a gas station bathroom that serves waffles.
←Rate | 11-22-2011 17:24 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you are under house arrest but live in a mobile home can you go anywhere you want?
←Rate | 11-29-2011 09:49 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lindsay Lohan should at least have to spend as much time in jail as we have to spend hearing about it.
←Rate | 11-30-2011 11:23 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time I'm not with my kid and someone asks me "Where's the baby?" I just yell "Oh crap!" and run in the direction I came from.
←Rate | 12-01-2011 16:31 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone told me that the word "gullible" was not in the dictionary. Well I checked and it was there! Sometimes people's idiocy surprises me.
←Rate | 12-02-2011 15:56 by SEAN Comments (0)  




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