Hiyourjon Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Politicians should have to wear NASCAR jumpsuits so that we know which corporations sponsor them.
←Rate | 07-05-2013 22:54 by HiYourJon Comments (2)  


   messageicon One time I was stranded on a kitchen island for 4 years. It was delicious.
←Rate | 07-06-2013 10:11 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Very hard explaining to a 4yo how paper beats rock. None of us likes it, that's just the way it is, but we accept it and move on.
←Rate | 07-06-2013 12:10 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Elisabeth Hasselbeck is going to Fox News, which will be a better use of her skills, such as "having a face" and "being wrong about things"
←Rate | 07-11-2013 12:01 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every day is free Slurpee day if you own a shotgun.
←Rate | 07-11-2013 12:37 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon it called NASCAR because that's the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car?"
←Rate | 07-12-2013 11:21 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon My doctor said I should eat more Taco Bell. He actually said "Less McDonald's", but I'm pretty sure I know what he meant.
←Rate | 07-12-2013 11:28 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.
←Rate | 07-15-2013 10:54 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women are like bacon: They look good, They smell good, They taste good, And they will kill you slowly.
←Rate | 07-17-2013 14:40 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon A lifetime of fire drills has prepared me to completely ignore the alarm during a real fire.
←Rate | 07-17-2013 15:56 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bud Light? I'd rather Light Bud.
←Rate | 07-18-2013 01:30 by HiYourJon Comments (1)  


   messageicon Women complain that they should be treated more equally. OK fine. Next time a ship sinks in the ocean, you ladies don't get to get off first.
←Rate | 07-19-2013 18:12 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon In alcohol’s defense, i've done some pretty dumb shít while completely sober too.
←Rate | 07-21-2013 17:14 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Double Stuff Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
←Rate | 07-23-2013 21:28 by HiYourJon Comments (1)  


   messageicon i bought a 30 pack of condoms and they expire in 2016. i’m crunching the numbers here and it’s not looking good
←Rate | 07-24-2013 17:32 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon This cop is going to look like such a dumbass trying to give me a field sobriety test while I'm invisible.
←Rate | 07-25-2013 00:06 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon How to tie the strongest knot ever? Step 1: Put your headphones in your pocket. Step 2: Wait 1 minute.
←Rate | 07-30-2013 09:31 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon My mom found out that I was smoking weed and she told me to "pack my bags" LOL it's called a bowl mom and it's already packed
←Rate | 07-31-2013 13:48 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon This entire time I thought YOLO was a new frozen yogurt store.
←Rate | 08-01-2013 23:12 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon @AnissaClingman: Wtf? I opened this huge lawnmower box and there is no Mexican in it. I thought they were shipped together. Dammit! Who's gonna push it? : /
←Rate | 08-01-2013 23:21 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  




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