SEAN Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I swear if I see one more person enter this WalMart wearing pajamas I am going to take the belt off my bathrobe and choke them with it
←Rate | 09-27-2014 15:29 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Patience" is what parents have when there are witnesses
←Rate | 12-07-2011 13:37 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being alive is so expensive.
←Rate | 08-20-2013 11:09 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever have one of those days when your keys kicked your ass at a game of hide and seek?
←Rate | 04-15-2011 09:08 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon well how long before we see KC Royals World Series shirts on the news during an ebola segment in Africa. ...
←Rate | 10-29-2014 23:45 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't want to brag, but I've been told by no less than 6 women I've ruined their lives.
←Rate | 09-12-2013 11:13 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guys communicate by insulting each other, but don't really mean it. Girls communicate by complimenting each other, but don't really mean it.
←Rate | 09-06-2013 08:59 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best part about pooping with the door open in the morning is being able to see everyone's face at Starbucks.
←Rate | 10-17-2012 14:19 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Had dinner with a girl tonight! Ok so maybe she was on the tv, but we were eating at the same time so I'm counting it.
←Rate | 10-25-2011 17:16 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon The average fight between men lasts 3 minutes. The average fight between women lasts 17 years.
←Rate | 10-30-2013 10:36 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon 3 things in this world scare me: 1. scorpions 2. jellyfish 3. streets named after civil rights leaders at night.
←Rate | 12-18-2012 16:28 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got fired from work on pajama day... It's not my fault I sleep naked.
←Rate | 10-15-2012 07:58 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can't believe it's the Chinese New Year. I'm still writing Rabbit on all of my checks.
←Rate | 01-24-2012 17:36 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a six figure salary. Unfortunately, all six figures are to the right of the decimal point.
←Rate | 11-07-2011 14:02 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon You name it, my mother knows somebody who died of it.
←Rate | 12-09-2013 09:50 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I didn't sign up for the 401k at my new job, because there's no way I can run that far.
←Rate | 11-21-2013 10:05 by SEAN Comments (2)  


   messageicon I'm glad Lassie wasnt my dog. I just want to watch TV, I don't want to be constantly rescuing people.
←Rate | 06-04-2013 14:12 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who can't find happiness aren't in a liquor store
←Rate | 07-11-2011 14:11 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Middle East and Kim Kardashian's a$$ have a lot in common. Both are massive, have tons of oil, and have been invaded by the West.
←Rate | 10-14-2015 13:38 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Unless you're going to tell me there's a sniper target on me, it's okay, I can wait for you to finish chewing to hear what you have to say.
←Rate | 01-10-2012 17:22 by SEAN Comments (0)  




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