Aaron Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon At a four way stop, it's obvious that the vehicle bearing the most duct tape goes first.
←Rate | 02-29-2012 22:51 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I swear I can hear Google sigh every time I start typing in their search bar.
←Rate | 03-19-2013 14:51 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Time for some nighttime sniffling sneezing coughing aching stuffy head fever I can't feel my lips I think I just peed the bed medicine.
←Rate | 10-04-2010 11:55 by Aaron Comments (2)  


   messageicon Would it kill Barney to just eat a kid every now and then?
←Rate | 06-26-2011 23:44 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon When the checkout person tries to put your toilet paper in a bag, tell them it's 'for here', not 'to go'. Then ask them to hurry.
←Rate | 01-24-2011 23:13 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon My bucket list is just the words "afford things" written in orange crayon on a paper towel.
←Rate | 12-28-2011 18:50 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm super lazy today. Which is like normal lazy but I'm also wearing a cape.
←Rate | 11-28-2011 16:57 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon The owner of the local movie theatre passed away. His funeral will be at 2, 4:30, 7 and 10.
←Rate | 11-12-2011 12:53 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being a lot more reckless these days, ever since I found that 1-UP mushroom.
←Rate | 10-04-2010 11:56 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon My pessimism has never failed me, but I'm sure someday it will.
←Rate | 08-19-2011 13:23 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I ever become rich and famous, I won't forget my friends. They will be a fond and nostalgic memory.
←Rate | 12-03-2011 18:43 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Big shout-out to slugs! Those little guys are out there everyday, doing all the same stuff as snails but without helmets.
←Rate | 11-24-2012 00:47 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is the media so negative? Instead of "Polar Bear Kills Alaskan Teen", why not "Alaskan Teen Feeds Starving Polar Bear"?
←Rate | 08-07-2011 19:03 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Found a cigarette butt next to the mousetrap in my room. Like he sat there and thought about it.
←Rate | 02-23-2012 19:18 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon For the record, you'll need a turntable needle.
←Rate | 04-23-2013 17:54 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think my girlfriend's hallucinating. She keeps telling me she's seeing other people.
←Rate | 10-16-2010 10:51 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear IRS: Please cancel my subscription.
←Rate | 02-19-2010 09:31 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found 'mute' by now.
←Rate | 11-05-2010 12:04 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just poured superglue into a non-stick pan.Somebody is going to be wrong.
←Rate | 11-25-2010 19:13 by Aaron Comments (4)  


   messageicon It's not "When Wild Animals Attack!" as much as it is "When Stupid People Get Bit."
←Rate | 11-08-2010 15:10 by Aaron Comments (0)  



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