Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 7 of 6384
You don’t become cooler with age, but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way of being cool. This is called the Geezer’s Paradox.
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01-06-2023 18:19
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Trillion-dollar propaganda machine vs. people putting funny words on pictures.
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01-08-2023 17:20
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The hot water bottle I bought the other day doesn’t work. I put water in it like two hours ago and it still isn’t hot.
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01-04-2023 02:42
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Don’t you hate it when you ask someone what time it is and they’re not wearing a watch, but they look at their wrist anyway and say, “it’s about a hair past a freckle.”
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01-06-2023 01:39
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If I yelled “Bingo!!” but refused to let you examine my card, would you give me the prize anyway?
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01-06-2023 19:07
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Just because you’re driving 5 miles an hour over the speed limit does not mean that you can drive in the left lane. Some of us are trying to break the law for real.
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06-20-2022 03:28
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Half of the world is composed of people who have something to say and can’t, and the other half have nothing to say and keep on saying it.
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06-23-2022 01:24
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The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.
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07-22-2022 13:55
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Triscuits are the perfect snack for anyone who has ever wanted to eat wicker furniture.
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04-18-2022 21:49
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When you’re about to spend half a grand shopping online, but then you notice that $15.00 shipping charge…. Not Today!
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04-18-2022 21:49
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If Merry Christmas offends you, then Merry Christmas!
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01-06-2023 00:54
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FBI, CIA, DOJ: We have investigated ourselves and found ourselves to be innocent.
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01-08-2023 02:48
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I love to shop, but I’ll never buy your bull.
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01-19-2023 04:16
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“You’re a lucky man” is a nice way of telling a guy you would bang his woman.
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05-15-2022 02:43
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When you tell a joke so funny at work that HR wants to hear it.
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06-05-2022 02:58
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You don’t have to drop to your knees every time you eat a hotdog.
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06-07-2022 02:03
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Laying in bed at 3am and thinking that you should’ve said something different in that argument that you had in 2011.
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06-23-2022 01:23
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Gonna start a page called Older Fans, where it’s just me telling everyone what hurts today and what miniscule task I was doing that caused the pain. Today it’s: My back ~ The rain.
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01-04-2023 02:35
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They said, “Californy is the place we gotta flee,” so they loaded up the truck and moved back to Tennessee.
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01-08-2023 02:55
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If it actually snows, please stay home. Y’all can’t even drive when it’s sunny. Lol
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01-04-2023 02:45
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