Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon You: I’m offended, you can’t say that! Me: Noooo, I can, I did, and I probably will again.
←Rate | 01-09-2023 03:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tried being normal once, it was the most boring ten minutes of my life.
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You’re the reason God created the middle finger.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon There are some incredibly dumb people in this world. Thank you for helping me understand that.
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My favorite queso is the one you keep around for emergencies, just in queso.
←Rate | 01-09-2023 03:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon God Bless Rednecks! Merica!
←Rate | 01-06-2023 01:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Child: I learned a joke at school. Me: Okay, let’s hear it. Child: What goes in stiff, but comes out soft? Me: Child: Me: Child: Me: Is it a- Wife comes running in from another room: IT’S SPAGHETTI! SPAGHETTI!
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Beginning to see the need for censorship. Certain people are just too ignorant to be allowed to speak.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nothing is permanent in this world, not even our troubles.
←Rate | 01-09-2023 03:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Someone should’ve tried domesticating bears 10,000 years ago. We really missed the mark with that one. Could be cuddled up with a bear right about now, but whatever.
←Rate | 01-09-2023 03:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I would slap the crap out of you, but there would be nothing left.
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Security at every level of the airport is insane, until you get to the baggage claim. Then it’s like, take whatever bag you want. 😂
←Rate | 01-24-2023 00:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Keep rolling your eyes, you might find a brain.
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Oops, my bad. Thought I was dealing with an adult.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I love to shop, but I’ll never buy your bull.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You take the blue pill, the election ends, you wake up in your bed and you believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you dispute the fraud and I show you how deep the rabbit hole really goes.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 18:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Congratulations, everyone who heard what you just said had their IQ drop 90 points.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon CDC: Covid is more deadly when people are obese. Gov: “Close The Gyms!”
←Rate | 01-08-2023 14:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hope your wife brings a date to your funeral.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Your face makes onions cry.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:22 Comments (0)  

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