Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 7 of 6366
You don’t lose friends. You lose undercover haters. Real friends can never be lost.
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01-07-2023 15:00
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When you tell your girl to shave her baby maker and you wake up bald.
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01-18-2023 01:21
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Nothing brings more peace, when you stop giving a f*ck.
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01-18-2023 18:49
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Whistleblower comes forward with claims that strangers drag him from place to place, make him sign papers, read words on monitors and he hardly gets any ice cream.
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05-22-2022 03:45
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I was born a male and I identify as a male, but according to Stouffers portions, I'm a family of four.
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06-07-2022 12:07
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Australian Kiss ~ Kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
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06-23-2022 01:23
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They’re not red flags, they’re fun facts about me.
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06-24-2022 23:15
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What does the sign on the out-of-business brothel say? Beat it, we’re closed.
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06-26-2022 00:12
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Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize that they meant autumn, and not the collapse of civilization.
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06-27-2022 03:05
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There is only one way to avoid criticism: Say nothing, do nothing, and be nothing.
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06-27-2022 03:07
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I grew up with six siblings. That's how I learned to dance, waiting for the bathroom.
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07-23-2022 23:28
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Stop trying to please people who don’t like you and embrace the joy of being the most annoying person they’ve ever met. 😊
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01-24-2023 00:18
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Drivers ignoring winter conditions, may be subject to natural selection.
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01-06-2023 19:59
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“I want the truth!” Independent fact checkers, with the direction of the FBI, have concluded that you can’t handle the truth.
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01-07-2023 12:20
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Just heard my knee crack so loud, I expected it to glow in the dark.
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01-07-2023 13:45
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One way to be hospitable, is to help visitors know when it’s time to leave.
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01-19-2023 02:19
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We often clean our homes when people are coming over so we can maintain the façade of a clean house that we’ve seen from going to other people’s homes who clean their house to maintain the façade of having a clean house.
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01-13-2023 02:23
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My wife and I do this role play, where she tells me all the things that need to be fixed around the house and I pretend this is the first time I’m hearing about it. 😂
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01-23-2023 03:04
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An idea: “Broke Back Mountain 2” all female cast. This would smash all box office records.
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06-05-2022 02:54
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China Hut: People that don’t like cats, just haven’t had them prepared properly.
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06-08-2022 01:36
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