Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon My favorite queso is the one you keep around for emergencies, just in queso.
←Rate | 01-09-2023 03:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s safe to unplug your Christmas lights until next year.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 00:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In honor of the winter solstice I will also be cold, distant and filled with darkness.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 02:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tommy Lee Jones ~ always has a look on his face, like his son just told him that he wants to ride unicycles professionally.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 02:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cats are my favorite animal, because no matter where you fall on the food chain, a cat will smack the crap out of you.
←Rate | 01-10-2023 02:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oops, my bad. Thought I was dealing with an adult.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon (Overheard from the other room) 8yo: Can I have an ice cream sandwich? Grandma: Did you eat all your supper? 8yo: No. Grandma: Just one then. 😂
←Rate | 01-23-2023 02:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone: Do you sleep with a fan? Me: I’d say my wife mostly likes me, but “fan” is pushing it. 😁
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How come all the single ladies don’t need no man at all, but all the married men need two ladies, I’m confused.
←Rate | 06-26-2022 00:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Security at every level of the airport is insane, until you get to the baggage claim. Then it’s like, take whatever bag you want. 😂
←Rate | 01-24-2023 00:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Supreme Court is like regular court, except it comes with sour cream and tomatoes.
←Rate | 06-26-2022 08:27 by Danyul Comments (0)  


   messageicon A word to the wise isn’t necessary, it’s the dumb ones that need the advice.
←Rate | 07-23-2022 00:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would slap the crap out of you, but there would be nothing left.
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Girl Scouts are just a cookie company that gets away with child labor.
←Rate | 04-20-2022 02:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like eating Nerds because I’m secretly hungry for aquarium gravel. Nerds takes the edge off.
←Rate | 04-29-2022 00:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Feeling sad today…. Can everyone please send cute photos of your credit cards front and back?
←Rate | 01-06-2023 01:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing is permanent in this world, not even our troubles.
←Rate | 01-09-2023 03:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A lot of people like BBQ ribs, but I make it look like an episode of the Walking Dead.
←Rate | 06-07-2022 17:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everyone agrees, when you censor the ones who don’t.
←Rate | 06-21-2022 22:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Turned 40 today, and I can feel my idgaf powers growing and coursing through my veins.
←Rate | 06-26-2022 00:15 Comments (0)  




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