Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 7 of 6178

   messageicon If you like to fall asleep in bed but wake up on the floor, owning satin sheets might be for you.
←Rate | 09-16-2020 08:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon At this point in my marriage, showering together is just a convenient way to check for ticks.
←Rate | 09-28-2020 09:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every Halloween I turn on Unchained Melody, and sit in front of a pottery wheel in the hopes that Patrick Swayze will return.
←Rate | 10-12-2020 08:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Old enough to remember when infectious laughter had a positive connotation
←Rate | 10-12-2020 08:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I look ridiculous!" --First wolf in sheep's clothing
←Rate | 10-13-2020 08:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My immune system was built by my grandmas and aunts licking their thumbs to wipe food off my face.
←Rate | 03-11-2021 10:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson hasn't released a movie in three weeks. I hope he's okay.
←Rate | 07-10-2018 09:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thinking of making a horror movie titled Front Facing Camera
←Rate | 07-11-2018 01:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a solicitor calls, I just hand the phone to my 8-year-old and tell him this nice lady wants to hear every last detail about your Minecraft village.
←Rate | 10-21-2018 06:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so old that the only room I can go into and remember why is the bathroom.
←Rate | 10-23-2018 19:42 by Haha Comments (2)  


   messageicon There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.
←Rate | 12-20-2017 08:59 Comments (1)  


   messageicon "Elon Musk" sounds like a new fragrance from Pierre Cardin.
←Rate | 05-27-2021 06:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you’re stranded in the middle of the ocean, don’t fart. Scramble the letters and make a raft.
←Rate | 05-28-2021 01:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The bad thing about political jokes is sometimes they get elected. . .
←Rate | 04-18-2021 20:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The difference between a conspiracy theory and reality is about two weeks.
←Rate | 08-21-2021 06:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Since we cancelled COPS, & LivePD can we also cancel The View?
←Rate | 06-17-2021 07:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sold my homing pigeon 142 times last year on eBay.
←Rate | 10-04-2021 11:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who read tabloids deserve to be lied to.
←Rate | 07-25-2018 21:12 Comments (2)  


   messageicon If you grew up wanting to be a Plumber or a Pizza delivery boy, You watched too much porn as a kid.
←Rate | 07-28-2018 23:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It sucks being a grown up. Nobody tells you you did a good job when you eat all of your food.
←Rate | 09-17-2018 02:22 Comments (0)  




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