Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon There is no such thing as a stupid question except maybe "Isn't about time you IRS guys audited my return?"
←Rate | 11-06-2018 11:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Looks like I picked the wrong week to adult.
←Rate | 11-16-2018 10:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon NASCAR would be more fun to watch if Hot Wheels designed the tracks.
←Rate | 11-17-2018 14:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "So this is Christmas, and what have you done?" The start of a John Lennon song, or the wife about to start an argument?
←Rate | 12-14-2018 13:31 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon please don't be laundry in here, please don't be laundry in here, please don't be laundry in here... -me opening the dryer
←Rate | 05-05-2019 12:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Scientist have now cloned monkeys. Next on the Primate ladder before they reach humans- Politicians.
←Rate | 01-25-2018 19:42 by BobB Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate it when I tell someone I'll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway
←Rate | 02-06-2018 04:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Questioning me about stupid things like why there’s a wine cork floating in the toilet is why I don't invite people to my house.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 02:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We will always have that special 5 minutes before I started creeping you out.
←Rate | 04-09-2018 02:25 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Our dog just winked at me, and now I am trying to figure out what secret we are keeping from the rest of the family.
←Rate | 04-09-2018 11:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I did 5 squats today so if you catch me looking a little thick tomorrow don't be alarmed
←Rate | 04-12-2018 14:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gun sales hit #1 record for a Black Friday sales item.
←Rate | 11-27-2017 04:50 Comments (3)  


   messageicon For once I’d like to get kicked INTO a bar
←Rate | 11-22-2017 02:45 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon As I watch this generation try to rewrite history, one thing I'm sure of.... it will be misspelled and have no punctuation..
←Rate | 10-09-2018 17:17 by Mr.Sharp Comments (3)  


   messageicon I’m “you can only play video games on channel 3” years old.
←Rate | 12-11-2017 04:37 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need a leaf blower, but for people.
←Rate | 09-06-2017 14:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Something I never said as a kid: My book stopped working.
←Rate | 09-28-2017 21:26 Comments (1)  


   messageicon My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don't run into anyone you know.
←Rate | 11-13-2017 05:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have decided to stop exercising and just learn Photoshop.
←Rate | 04-20-2018 02:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hope the next big trend in music is Talent.
←Rate | 04-29-2018 05:37 Comments (1)  




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