BEGO Funny Status Messages

   If I actually did "live like there's no tomorrow". I'd be in jail.

   Facebook says we're 'friends' but, trust me, I wouldn't hesitate to punch you in the face.

   Life is like Facebook. People will LIKE your problems & comment, but no one will solve them because everyone is busy updating theirs.

   doing something weird and thinking, this is why I'm not in a relationship.

   It's amazing the places I will wander to in my house while I talk on the phone.

   It's just as well money can't buy happiness. With prices what they are today, who could afford it anyway?

   Never trust someone that smiles on Monday morning.

   Thank goodness it was Twinkies and not Bacon

   Someone once ask me how I hold my head up so high after all I've been through. I said, as long as I come out of it alive, it makes me a survivor, not a victim.

   Why are scary movies always in creepy places like jails and hospitals? I want a scary movie in Walmart. CLEAN UP ON AISLE 13. BUT SIR... THERE IS NO AISLE 13. Dramatic music..

   Boys Laugh at what they put Girls through but they wont be laughing when they are wiping tears off their Daughters face for the same reason.

   I don’t judge people based on color, race, religion, sexuality, or gender…I base it on whether or not they’re an as$hole.

   Angry Birds suicide hotline, which level are you stuck on?

   Never plan a future with someone that has no future plans for themselves.

   I don't care what the damn expiration date says, I'm smelling the milk before I drink it.

   Nothing says “friend zone” quite like a woman saying “you’re like a brother to me.” Unless you’re from Alabama.

   Trying to understand women is like trying to smell the color 8.

   The five second rule also applies to wearing sunglasses indoors.

   If I forget my iPhone when going to the bathroom, I don't care if its the directions on toothpaste, I'm reading it.

   Free samples shouldn't be limited to grocery stores...How can I be sure this Fifth of Scotch is worth the $10 without a quick chug?!?