Snotty Funny Status Messages
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If you don't enjoy scaring dogs by talking through a cardboard wrapping paper tube, don't bother stopping by my house on Christmas morning.
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04-14-2012 14:51 by snotty
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If a girl pulls out a knife on you during a fight, pull out some bread & mayo. Her woman instincts will kick in & she'll make you a sandwich
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02-28-2016 07:21 by Snotty
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Trying to learn Mandarin Chinese but the amount of money I'm spending on fortune cookies is getting ridiculous.
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03-06-2016 20:00 by Snotty
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My analysis reveals that, via his crafty use of the double negative,,, Ray Parker Jr was, in fact,, afraid of *some* ghosts.
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08-06-2014 22:26 by snotty
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Love is blind. It's also drunk, has a wooden leg, Tourette's, a crippling fear of heights & if you poke it with a stick it plays dead.
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07-19-2015 19:33 by snotty
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Ever had garbage in one hand, but you accidentally throw out the thing that you want in your other hand?..... Anyway, my grand-daughter's o.k.
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02-13-2013 11:47 by snotty
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The mainstream media: Covers up vast conspiracies?... Rigs national elections?... Has mind control powers?... Can't convince people to pay $29.99 for cable
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10-22-2016 19:26 by snotty
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WAIT,,,I Just read that grizzly bears can run faster than horses?. THEN WHY AREN'T WE RIDING GRIZZLY BEARS?
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04-22-2012 17:11 by snotty
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Forget flying cars... I want Futurama's complex system of air tubes that take us everywhere....Weeeee !
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06-03-2012 14:34 by snotty
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Remember when we were kids and we couldn't wait to grow up, move out of the house, and get a job? ...... LORD,, we were dumb.
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04-15-2016 20:08 by Snotty
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Me: But God, where did the second set of footprints go?.. God: That's when you were dating that psycho. I wasn't sticking around for that.
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11-12-2016 08:28 by snotty
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Dr: "How would you say your diet is going?" Me: ... *sneezes and a Skittle come out* "Ummm, Pretty well."
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09-07-2016 20:08 by Snotty
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Starve a cold. Feed a fever. Humiliate a rash. Flatter a migraine. Friendzone diarrhea. Date cramps. Bring anxiety home to meet the family.
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10-11-2014 07:51 by snotty
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Grandkids are basically puppies for old people.
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12-03-2015 09:20 by snotty
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I just read a list of “100 things to do before you die”. And, I've got to say,, I'm pretty surprised that “yell for help” wasn't one of them.
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03-02-2012 11:17 by snotty
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"Addadictome",,,,,,,,,,,,,You know,, It's a procedure,,,, I think Chaz Bono had it.
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09-05-2011 18:13 by snotty
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HEY,,,People of Canada: Why do you leave all of your coins here?
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04-18-2012 08:03 by snotty
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I can't wait until tomorrow when all the Martin Luther King, Jr. candy is 75% off.
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01-19-2015 15:54 by snotty
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Apparently,,, hospital bed pans are only for the patients??
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03-17-2012 09:01 by snotty
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My Christmas shopping will be financed by my swear jar again this year.
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11-24-2015 18:28 by snotty
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