BEGO Funny Status Messages

   I wouldn't have to manage my anger… If people could learn to manage their stupidity. 

   Penguins mate once and stay together for life. All those failed relationships you had? Penguins are kicking your ass.

   I don't hate you, it's just my attitude has some major issues with your personality.

   It's almost guaranteed that every Saturday and Sunday I ask my friends, "Did I do anything stupid last night?"

   Did anyone else know that "Fes" from That 70's Shows' name stands for (F)oreign (E)xchange (S)tudent

   B-E-F-O-R-E not b4. We speak English not fuc?ing bingo.

   They really need to add a “download this song illegally” button on Pandora.

   When you find it hard to keep a girl, find a girl that keeps it hard.

   That was Samuel Jackson's first ever public appearance without saying "mother$ucker"

   Teenagers are people who act like babies if they're not treated like adults.

   I fear the day I get so drunk that I actually accept Facebook's request to change my profile over to Timeline.

   You can do nice things for people all the time & they never notice.But once you make one mistake, its never forgotten.

   Our relationship was like the Fourth of July. It started with fireworks but was over by the end of the night.

   Doctors write the prescriptions illegibly so you can’t see that it says: “This one had insurance. Don’t kill him.”

   Facing your problems is like facing a bull...either take them by the horns, or run like hell.

   ❒ Taken ❒ Single ✔ Depends on how drunk I am.

   This beer tastes like I'm not waking up until the afternoon.

   Never trust a gut feeling on an empty stomach.

   To all the fat chicks that only take pics from the neck up .... good try ... good try.

   I have a smart phone with a dumbass battery.