santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Surgeon General's Warning To Parents: When your kids are old enough to buy their own birthday presents for you, the gifts get really, really crappy.

   If my extension cord ever gets tangled with my ear buds and Christmas lights, I’m really screwed.

   I just saved a ton of $ on Christmas presents by discussing politics on FB.

   I take all my Christmas pictures a couple months early before I put on all the serious weight.

   I think Christmas must be near, The bin man said good morning to me.

   I'm too tired to stay awake and watch... It feels like this U.S. Election night is Christmas Eve, and America's worried Santa might leave coal and sticks instead of presents in the morning.

   My neighbor finally put up his #Christmas lights today. I bet he's mad that I beat him to it. I put mine up three years ago.

   When Thanksgiving is over, you have my permission to listen to Christmas music.

   I can't wait for a empty Christmas wrapping paper tube to bonk someone over the head with!

   Hey Lady, Please don't blame the Holidays ..... For Pete's Sake ..... You you were Fat in August!!!

   Nothing puts me into the #Christmas spirit like #shopping. On Dasher, On Dancer, On Prancer, On VISA.

   Just put up my three foot Christmas tree, needed my six foot ladder to put the star on

   Dear Santa: Please refer to my Pinterest board.

   All I want for Christmas is an air hockey table. It will go great with my air guitar.

   I'm so broke that This Christmas I am going to wrap up some batteries with a note saying "Toys not included".

   But if you can't see your Christmas decorations from space, do you really love Jesus?

   “I love Christmas lights. They remind me of the people who voted for Hillary. They all hang together; half of them don't work, and the ones that do, aren't that bright.

   At Christmas time it's fun to take a new Lexus for a test drive, put a big red bow on it & pull into random people's driveways honking the horn.

   My neighbor put up his Christmas lights today. I bet he's really pissed that I beat him to it. Heck, I'm not stupid .... I put mine up three years ago!

   I bet someone could get really rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights!