Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The obesity problem is so bad in the U.S. that the 2 out of 3 people surveyed count as 4 out of 5!

   I just witnessed a state highway patrolman pull someone over for staying in the left lane on 23. That was satisfying as hell. Left lane is for active passing in case you didn’t know.

   Before Walmart existing you would have to buy a ticket to see a bearded lady

   Sometimes you have to sit back and play the role of a fool to fool the fool who thinks they are fooling you.

   I’ve been asked why I like dogs more than people. Short answer: My dog has never included me in a group text.

   He won Kentucky by 26 points then immediately disabled their tornado warning systems, leading to 18 deaths. Hahahahaha. As someone who doesn't live there, in that country I mean, I find news like this very, very entertaining and funny 😂

   Missus Beasley gaema hat!

   Work very Hard so that your kids won't have to Type Amen on social media for Blessings!!

   Losing weight is a great idea except for two things. The eat right and exercise part.

   I was told this is where you order Door Dash.....SMH.....

   What do you call the sexuality where you're attracted to men and women but neither are attracted to you? Bi-yourself.

   Foot fetish screw them feet!!!

   I bought a second scale to weigh my first scale so I can show it how it feels.

   BREAKING NEWS: So according to my calendar, today is National Alien Abduction Day. In other words, the government has been lying to us. There are aliens! Lol

   Someone called me a f*t f**k. I wanna know if that's an adjective or a verb.

   I'm kind of regretting my "Myspace Rules!" tattoo on my calf.

   Today I sent out a text saying, "Hey, I lost my phone. Will you call it?" 12 people called me... I need smarter friends.

   Feels like an extrovert stuck in an introvert body

   Also in the news, the national atheist church has applied for non-prophet status.

   "You people are so stupid." ~ D. Trump. (to all his fans)