Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon You think putting a pineapple ring on a canned ham is baking? No wonder your cat left you.
←Rate | 05-06-2022 03:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon One sure sign of success is the presence of an unnecessary waterfall in a person’s yard.
←Rate | 08-17-2022 02:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe. So basically, a clown ninja.
←Rate | 08-18-2022 03:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you’re going to be thinking, you may as well think big.
←Rate | 08-18-2022 03:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You get prosecuted for refusing to wear a mask on a plane, but they can intimidate supreme court justice’s families and will be celebrated. This is how you know we are living under a regime.
←Rate | 05-13-2022 03:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People are running away from Netflix and Disney by the millions. Go woke, go broke.
←Rate | 04-26-2022 21:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.
←Rate | 08-15-2022 03:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When the new girl wants to spend the night; “the couch pulls out, but I don’t.”
←Rate | 01-18-2023 03:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only supply chain Biden won’t disrupt, the flow of drugs at our southern border.
←Rate | 05-13-2022 03:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: My 401k is crushed I can’t afford food or gas. Biden: (licking ice cream cone) “Best economic recovery in history, Jack.”
←Rate | 05-14-2022 03:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I dance like a car dealership’s inflatable tube man.
←Rate | 01-12-2023 03:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Landline phones never get destroyed in washing machines.
←Rate | 05-06-2022 03:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do you ever think for yourself? CNN viewer: “No, I have television for that.”
←Rate | 05-14-2022 03:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don’t forget to pay your taxes, so they can send pallet loads of cash to corrupt countries, while you hit the same pothole driving to work every day.
←Rate | 04-24-2022 23:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
←Rate | 08-05-2022 02:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hide inside your friend’s toothpaste tube to give them a mysterious minty fresh surprise.
←Rate | 05-04-2022 00:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Grown men who call their parents mommy and daddy can kill you with their bare hands and won’t even say a cuss word while they’re doing it.
←Rate | 07-06-2022 00:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Impressing a girl who owns cats on our date by eating so fast I throw up.
←Rate | 04-15-2022 01:57 by Captain_Robert56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is no such thing as having too much cheese.
←Rate | 05-06-2022 03:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you happen to see an FBI agent wearing one of Melania’s dresses, post a photo of him.
←Rate | 08-15-2022 17:43 Comments (0)  




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