Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 64 of 6387
You think putting a pineapple ring on a canned ham is baking? No wonder your cat left you.
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05-06-2022 03:09
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One sure sign of success is the presence of an unnecessary waterfall in a person’s yard.
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08-17-2022 02:31
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Women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe. So basically, a clown ninja.
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08-18-2022 03:26
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If you’re going to be thinking, you may as well think big.
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08-18-2022 03:23
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You get prosecuted for refusing to wear a mask on a plane, but they can intimidate supreme court justice’s families and will be celebrated. This is how you know we are living under a regime.
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05-13-2022 03:07
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People are running away from Netflix and Disney by the millions. Go woke, go broke.
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04-26-2022 21:17
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The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.
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08-15-2022 03:29
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When the new girl wants to spend the night; “the couch pulls out, but I don’t.”
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01-18-2023 03:58
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The only supply chain Biden won’t disrupt, the flow of drugs at our southern border.
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05-13-2022 03:09
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Me: My 401k is crushed I can’t afford food or gas. Biden: (licking ice cream cone) “Best economic recovery in history, Jack.”
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05-14-2022 03:30
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I dance like a car dealership’s inflatable tube man.
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01-12-2023 03:59
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Landline phones never get destroyed in washing machines.
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05-06-2022 03:12
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Do you ever think for yourself? CNN viewer: “No, I have television for that.”
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05-14-2022 03:27
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Don’t forget to pay your taxes, so they can send pallet loads of cash to corrupt countries, while you hit the same pothole driving to work every day.
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04-24-2022 23:19
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Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
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08-05-2022 02:17
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Hide inside your friend’s toothpaste tube to give them a mysterious minty fresh surprise.
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05-04-2022 00:28
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Grown men who call their parents mommy and daddy can kill you with their bare hands and won’t even say a cuss word while they’re doing it.
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07-06-2022 00:16
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Impressing a girl who owns cats on our date by eating so fast I throw up.
There is no such thing as having too much cheese.
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05-06-2022 03:10
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If you happen to see an FBI agent wearing one of Melania’s dresses, post a photo of him.
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08-15-2022 17:43
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