Funny Status Messages
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Today is the first day of Spring. That means I can be over with my Seasonal Depression and go back to my Regular Depression. 
My favourite part of Football is when they feed the players water like they’re Hamsters
Welcome to your 60’s, you can no longer outrun Mall Security.
I can't berieve the plice of Peking Duck!
Companies need to stop making employees feel guilty for taking vacation days and time off just because they failed to hire a sufficient amount of people.
"Who's taking you home on New Years?" State troopers, probably
TikTok this. Good riddance.
I just heard that a cold shower eases depression. I was fine with it... until I looked down.
This year, he inherited one of the strongest economies in history with the lowest unemployment rate in 50 years, the inflation rate at 2%, and the stock market increased by 48%. And destroyed it in 30 days. GLORIOUS!
I’d like to be the first to wish you all a very merry Christmas
Jimmy Carter attributes peanuts, rampant inflation, and his Brother Billy kicking the bucket in being instrumental in his reaching 100 years of age.
If the glove doesn't fit, you must use lubricant.
-Diddy...,,, probably
I didn't even know what to buy people for Christmas until I heard about these exploding pagers and walki-talkies.
Do the Chinese realize when visiting the USA they're buying souvenirs made in their country?
Mary kiss-a-moose
Life hack: Rent the same type of car that you own and switch the tires. Best $39.95 I ever spent.
He’s been marinating in honey for years. Don’t tell me a rack of Winnie the Pooh ribs wouldn’t be tasty.
There's an individual here that believes that us making fun of cheeto von clownstick every day, is a meltdown. Call it whatever you want to, to make yourself feel better buddy. But it's going to continue. Every single day. Cry harder.
Elon Musk is sending his
76 year old mom on a PR tour to beg sympathy for her lil' billionaire N*zi boy aaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
They said they voted him in "for the economy," then he ERASED 4.4 TRILLION of stock market value in 2 months. No wonder he loves the poorly educated. 😂 