Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Musk should buy Barnes & Noble so R*t*rdlicans would start to read. He should also buy Pfizer so the R*t*rdlicans can finally start satisfying their cousins lmao

   BREAKING NEWS: DONALD T DRAWS MASSIVE CROWDS ------ of people who hate his f*cking guts 🤡

   it just me or do you think there's something terribly wrong with YouTube playing a 30 second commercial from their sponsor before watching a How to operate a fire extinguisher during an emergency video?

   There 492 billionaires in the United States, and not one of those losers has decided to become Batman

   What do I do all day long? Sometimes, it takes me all day to get nothing done.

   I really think it's time to take the warning labels off everything and let stupidity work itself out of the gene pool.

   There are over 5,000 Gods being worshipped by humanity. But don't worry, only yours is right.

   Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd break into a distillery. Daffy turns to Elmer and says "Is this whiskey?" Elmer says "Yeth, but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank!"

   If pigeons and chickens made a tribe would the be called the coo clucks clan ?

   How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh? Nothing it’s on the house!

   Famous M*G* influencer and frequent F*x News guest, Ricci Wynne, has been arrested and charged with s** trafficking and producing child s***al ab*se material with at least two m*nors. ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER M*G* FREAK CHARGED WITH M*****ING KIDS.

   I don’t date anymore I just foster women until they find their forever homes

   If your hands don’t look like you just delivered a baby after eating ribs, you just didn't eat them right.

   Instead of "lol", try "lsimhbiwfefmtalol". Laughing silently in my head because it wasn't funny enough for me to actually laugh out loud...

   My home security system is a series of paintings on the wall with all the eyes cut out.

   The worst thing to step on in the dark is someone else's foot when you live alone.

   If you don't like Led Zeppelin, you're some kind of asshole.

   There is no need for Rolling Stones tribute bands. The real Stones are bad enough.

   Did you know that 36% of women are battered ... and all this time ...I've been eating them raw

   What do you call 100 sheep rolling down a hill A lambslide