Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I've never seen 'Downton Abbey', but I did see the episode of 'Roseanne' when Becky "cut the cheese" at least 50 times.

   I pay attention to who reacts on my posts, because as soon as I get rich I'm buying you all tacos.

   A man and woman in Idaho became the oldest couple in the world to divorce — they are both 98 years old. It was an ugly breakup too...... She found another woman’s teeth in their bedroom.

   To help reduce cost, this written status was typed in china.

   History Channel: “Travel back to a time before human civilization..” You mean like NOW?

   The Detroit Lions are leading the NFL in wins.

   It's a good thing farting isn't contagious like yawning is.

   I think I'm the only person left that doesn’t vape or own a pair of crocs..

   People complain about gas prices but pay for gym memberships and don’t even go.

   Don’t tell me what to do, you’re not a donut

   Accidentally called out my dentist's name during my colonoscopy.

   They say you can't turn a Ho into a housewife, but thanks to Only Fans , you can turn a housewife into a Ho . 😉

   Question, Is the speed limit the same if you’re driving in reverse?

   I may not know much, but I know mayo doesn't go on a taco.

   Can't hardly wait for tRumps sentencing day... 😆

   Hey, Dawn. Show us how well you clean dishes. We ain't got no oily duck.

   The Lone Ranger was camping with his sidekick when a windstorm blew their tent away. The Lone Ranger said, “Tonto, I have a feeling we’re not in canvas anymore.

   In case no one has noticed, it's Caucasian males that virtually built the western world.

   Gas prices are so high the Mailman is now working from home. He called me and read my bills to me over the phone.

   I watched Biden's SOTU speech at the community clinic in Spanish and it still sucked.....