Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   flossing her sweet tooth with twizlers!

   glad she has pajamas with pockets. Now she doesn't have to hold things while she sleeps.

   (̅_̅_̅_̅(̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅̅_̅()ڪے~ ~ Smoking Hot!!

   "Good morning...I see the assassins have failed."

   "A minute can seem such a long time . . . depending on which side of the bathroom door your on :)

   *Alarm Clock* (n): An evil device invented by Satan to disrupt the peaceful sleep of otherwise happy folks at a predetermined hour.

   ٩(•̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃•̃)۶

   We have now reached that time of year when we look at the clock and say, OMG it is only 8 oclock????

   accidently cut in front of a dwarf today who told me he was NOT happy. I said, "which one are you then?"

   Any negative people today will be greeted with a high five and a swift ball kick.

   ryan howard is the only other person who struck out more than I did this weekend..

   you know its going to be a bad day when you get out of bad and you miss the floor..

   thinks the universe is a waste of space..

   Copy this into your status and see what people rate you! 1=Crazy. 2=I'd marry you. 3=Talkative. 4=Sarcastic. 5=Bangable. 6=Clubhead. 7=Moody. 8=Dumb. 9=Spoilt. 10=Mouthy. 11=Random. 12=Hot. 13=Funny. 14=Fit. 15=Amazing. 16= Tough. 17=Cute. 18=GF/BF Type

   bought a bee-bee gun and a bird-cage.

   leaned with it, Rocked with it..Hit the dance floor and went to do da stanky legg but twisted my ankle and ended up in the emergency room.

   decided to live forever ..................... or die in the attempt.

   It was so cold this morning she actually saw a solicitor with his hands in his own pockets!

   ..time is precious so be careful who you waste it on.

   late but I am the latest