Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Never shave your legs when you have goosebumps. I'm just sayin'.

   : What's Klingon for "I'm going to die a virgin?"

   : Hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat...

   hears the call of a lonely Crown Royal bottle. It's OK little buddy, I'll keep you company...

   the Dread Pirate Roberts.

   : Ahhh, fall is is the air... and on my lawn, and on my car, and on my driveway...

   I had an appointment at the sperm bank today, but I had to call up to say I couldn't come.

   lets play guess who I am? ok here we go, My arm itches, my neck itches, I'm shaking, and my lips are ashy. What am I?

   so lazy, she'll fight that little stone in her shoe till the end of the day

   so lazy, she'll fight that little stone in my shoe till the end of the day.

   got some new underwear today... well new to me anyway :-)

   You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life

   had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture

   everyone hs photographic memory, some just don't hv th film

   hates it when people use the term "FOLKS". Are we on Green Acres?

   Today I met the sweetest, funniest, hottest guy in the world!......then his boyfriend showed up :(

   Me Chinese, Me Play Joke, Me put Roofie in your Coke

   As if weighing 400 pounds didn't call enough attention to yourself,

   What has 148 teeth and can hold back the Hulk? My Zipper :]

   You are feeling sleepy... you will obey me... you will take off your pants...