Funny Status Messages

   What valuable lesson did you learn from the chubby white B-list comedian on the stool?

   gonna try out a new yoga position alone in my bed tonight it's called the bermuda cryangle

   how are OCD ppl made? a German person gets with a British person to make a baby so the baby is "Germish"

   Kant Know Anything West aka Kanye West

   I LOVE THE DARK SIDE. They have cookies.

   A parody idea for Closing Time by Semisonic....Clothing Time..."You don't have to go home but you can't stay here"..

   Old expression modification Notice . : .. In addition to netflix and chill, doing Coffee and Cream ;) Has been approved That is all .

   Judge me because I stole it off my daughter’s night stand.

   They need to create an app to let you know if someone is a freak. I mean crazy for those thinking nasty. Get your mind out the gutter

   Auto Mechanic: Well, looks like you blew a seal. Penguine Eating Icecream: *Wips beak with flipper* Oh, no. That's just vinalla ice cream.

   I have a swimmer's body: A whale.

   My doctor says I only have one diabete.

   People who say stuff like "everyday is a new day" are also the same fools who say sh*t like "apples are fruits" and "women are humans"

   I stubbed my toe on the bedpost that immediately set off my Tourette Syndrome.

   If Uranus had a country called Europe, you'd be European from Uranus.

   I mean I know I got the vaccines and all, but I used to eat a lot of 7/11 hot dogs, so I was swimming in antibodies long before the shots.

   Wanted: One (1) flat earther to be my friend so I can talk to you when I’m down and you can tell me my belly is actually flat. No weirdos please.

   QAnon Shaman? More like QAnon Virgin.

   WAP when I’m involved is likely to be Waffles and Pancakes

   Up for anything unless my gout flares up. – from my dating profile