Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6251 of 6371
Women often wonder why men drink so much. Well the answer is simple. If you're not going to make an effort to improve your appearance, someone has to.
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11-24-2009 00:59
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the best things in life...involve rum!
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11-23-2009 23:24
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thinks you should get compensated for every popcorn kernel that doesn't pop in every bag of popcorn
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11-23-2009 23:20
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dreamed he ate a 10lb marshmellow, when I woke up the pillow was gone!!! WTF
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11-23-2009 21:43
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Like math? We could add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide our legs, and multiply!
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11-23-2009 21:42
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at 8:45 pm , facebook had an EPIC FAIL
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11-23-2009 20:53
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proven the myth that a bird will always crap on a freshly washed car... Now, where'd I put that bb gun?
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11-23-2009 20:49 by bricktop
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3 blondes comes across some tracks. 1st blonde "Its deer tracks!" 2nd blonde "No! Dog tracks!" 3rd blonde "No! Its bear tracks!" They were still arguing when they were hit by a train.
If a person offends you, do not resort to extremes, simply watch your chance and hit them in the head with a brick.
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11-23-2009 20:24 by bcj
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instant superhero, just add alcohol
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11-23-2009 20:11
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money may not bring her happiness. But she'd rather cry in a Mercedes than in a bus.
Know what I love about my dogs? I can lock 'em in the trunk of my car for an hour, and when I open it, they're excited to see me. Can't do that with a wife...
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11-23-2009 19:35
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happier than Adam Lambert being dragged backwards through a cornfield
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11-23-2009 16:41 by nofags
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If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
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11-23-2009 15:17 by fefe
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I was going to ask my wife for her honest view on sexist jokes..she was too busy cooking though.
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11-23-2009 13:58
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Why are women like clouds ? Because when they **** off its usually a nice day
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11-23-2009 13:57
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Female Black Widow spiders kill and eat their mate after mating...ya know, I think those bugs are really on to something! :)
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11-23-2009 13:42
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If there were no such things as bears,what kind of hugs would we give?
has decided to unleash years of ninja training on the world =.= OR I'm just gonna eat supper and go to bed....hmmmm....well I guess the world is safe for another day
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11-23-2009 09:33 by Travis
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everybody could learn a lesson from the weather.. It pays no attention to criticism
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11-23-2009 09:17
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