Funny Status Messages

   Nice catch peyton

   Of course she won the argument. She cried. - every guy ever

   [Job Interview] "Do you have any questions?" How do they get those tiny ships inside glass bottles? "I m..eant about the job" Oh, no I'm good

   I do not know what "high fives" are but I've become more and more proficient at blocking these overhead strikes you're trying to hit me with

   You can stick your marshmallow world and stick it up your marshmallow ass.

   I'm pretty sure I just saw a tube clip of Miley Cyrus online. I'm not talking about Youtube either.

   The way you're bashing your laptop keyboard is the way your life is going.

   I'm just looking for a respectable woman who'll put her thang down flip it then reverse it

   in a honeymoon stage with his tablet. The two of us were made for each other. It makes me laugh, makes me cry and the two of us don't play games with each other... unless you count Frogger.

   Ben Bernanke has a wanke and the whole world smiles!

   Coworker invited me to lunch which is hilarious because I've never had a job in my life.

   I wish that talking ferret from my dream was real. He was a right laugh

   My gym is already closed, so I guess I have to drink the weight off tonight.

   so they wait till next year has officially begun

   I hope they have enough wall plugs in hell.

   I don't pave the way for anybody. I pave the way for my damn self.

   I am one lucky lady......I am told several times a day that I am sweet, divine, and tasty.... Thank you Candy Crush!

   It's not gay if you forgot your safe word.

   Just having a conversation with this squirrel about why human nuts are better..

   The hurricane Sandy is Not available in your country ! We are sorry for the inconvenience.