Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Starbucks bathrooms are EXCLUSIVELY for terrible diarrhea, right?

   I can’t tell if the vegans upstairs are having sex or are finally eating a steak.

   “See you in hell.” Are you asking me on a date? I accept.

   Life is soup, I am fork.

   It’s 4/19 - don’t forget to put milk and cookies out for Willie Nelson tonight.

   White Claw tastes like a canned fart.

   Welp…??? really? Okay got it, you enjoy a good spanking.

   Had a welp once, saw a doctor and got rid of it.

   Welp, James Welp

   My pronoun is, Welp

   If you've ever used the word welp, there's no need for the rainbow flag.

   Summer, Spring, Winter and Welp

   Tell us more about your welp...

   Being famous on social media is like being rich in Monopoly.

   You know how food is supposed to taste good? Let’s make it not like that. ~ The British

   Planning an exotic vacation with $12.50 in the bank.

   Your guitar is out of tuna. ~ Cat

   Tact ~ The ability to tell someone to go to hell and they look forward to it.

   Dang Gurl, are you an appendix? Because this feeling in my gut makes me want to take you out.

   The Girl Scouts are just a cookie company that gets away with child labor.