Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Where’s a careening bus when you need it? 
A vessel that didn't undergo a certification process, had issues on all of its previous dives, and was operated utilizing an aftermarket video game controller. What could possibly go wrong?
Ultimate dad move: Tattoo a saddle on their leg.
the more things change, the more they stay the same.
Hope all of you who received a book from me for Christmas thoroughly enjoy them! Oh and don't forget they need to be back the library by the 30th.
Peter Griffith : Now There's a Family Guy .
if "octo" means 8, why is October the 10th month?
What the heck is Pizzagate? In any case it makes me hungry, I'll have mine with anchovies.
I wish I loved anything as much as yankees love fireworks. #nojobbutcanaffordfireworks
No thanks on the street corner baskets for Valentines Day. Just put those $10 on a chipotle card.
Life lesson: If you run out of Vicks vapor rub, never place IcyHot in your nose in place of it or it will make you scream in pain. #thingsthatmakeyouscreaminpain
Woke up this morning with a wine glass in my hand, Whose wine, What wine? Where the H3LL did I dine? .... Awe who cares ... it was free!
Bet you've never been at a party the cops have shown up to where Raffi's Bananaphone was the jam playing.
The worst part about trying to kill a fly in your house is when it starts to mock you.
Kevin Durant will still hear chants of MVP every night, they just won't be for him...
I credit my dad for my sense of humor..... Oh,. She's funny, too?.......... Ummm,,No......
New Neighborhood Game: Passively aggressively cut your lawn two inches shorter than your neighbors until you reach dirt.
I'm a good person. That's why I don't talk to many people. Too good for them.
In the 70s Volkwagen owners use to say "Home is Where The Bus Is...."
But owning a old bus nowadays is more like Home Is Wherever the Bus is Broken Down.
What if I told you everyone you know on social networking websites is me. 