Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   2010 winner of the JD Power awards for Satisfaction and Stamina !

   You'll have to excuse me for the next 72 hours. I am re watching seasons 1-5 of 'Lost' in dazzling 1080i and a tremendous surround sound

   who's the jerk that switched my toilet paper with sand paper??? I won't be able to sit down for a month!!!

   silence is golden. . . but duct tape is silver.

   just ran across the road to grab a chicken for Lunch

   wants to know that if god didn't want us to eat meat, why did he make cows so slow? Have you ever eaten a cheetah burger? Nope, and you never will....

   January: that special time of the year when a children's Xmas toys & his parents are BOTH broke.

   goin to say on judgement day....he made me do it!!!!

   We own Texas" - Wildcat Nation

   Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly far far far away from here...

   I googled my name, and the first thing that came up was the wikipedia definition for smatass. Google knows me sooo well.

   sometimes I wake up Grumpy but I generally just let her sleep!

   just because he knows he's better looking than you doesn't make him arrogant, just part of the majority

   asks if FedEx and UPS were to merge, would the new company be called FedUp?

   When times are Tough, you know who your Real Friends are. When times are Easy...you know who your Drinking Friends are!

   Be worried , God knows what you have been doing!

   I survived Y2K, Bird Flu, Mad Cow, 9/11 and Swine Flu. 2012, Here I Come!

   O.B.A.M.A. (One Big Asz Mistake, America),

   "Eating habits? You wanna know my eating habits? Well everytime I have to take a sh!t it's an emergency, hows that?"

   quotes, "Life's most urgent question is: what are you doing for others?" ~ Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.