Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ..i bought a pair of shoes called "Dyke". It has an extra large tongue and it gets off with just one finger.

   going to go save the world.........its the only place with chocolate

   brought to you by Summers Eve. When your situation down south makes him breathe through his mouth.

   STOP EVERYTHING YOUR DOING!!! Think about me for 3 secs. 1.....2.....3.... You have just experienced the best 3 seconds of your life. You're Welcome!

   Got a problem? iI got a problem solver……and his name is revolver.

   Don't follow my footsteps I run into walls!

   Pessimism is great, You are either always right or pleasently suprised.

   Your intelligence is my common sense.

   Who says nothing is impossible. I've been doing nothing for years. …

   If the batteries in our T.V remote are dead … Why do we keep pushing the button until our fingers hurt ?

   Don't approach a goat from the front, a horse from the back, or a schizophrenic from behind a mirror.

   I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

   Out of all your lies I love you was my favorite.

   wants you to know that if a jelly fish ever stung you, I'd pee on you!

   it takes a lot of balls to golf like I do

   so poor I am having to layway my drugs and beer... 90 days from todays date the party is on!!!!

   wishing I could hit CTL ± ALT ± DEL ± and start today all over!!!

   ...wanted to buy some goose feathers but couldn't afford the down payment..

   never realized why no one likes Val Kilmer... But I just realized.... You killed GOOSE... YOU B*STARD!

   Wrinkles are hereditary. Mothers and fathers get them from their children.