Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Sometimes you have to smile... Pretend everything's okay. Hold back the tears, And just walk away.

   Every day is Fat Tuesday for me because I'm Fat =(

   doesn't want you to be upset that I want to punch you in the face, be flattered that I want to touch you at all.

   Yo mamma so fat that when she lays on the beach, Green Peace try to push her back into the water.

   if there is one flaw in women, it is this...they forget there worth and how remarkable they truly are!

   ..after watching the Brit Awards,thinks that Cheryl has got to try,try,try,try,try to lip sync a bit better..

   Please dont poke me if you a guy...Thx!

   I saw a U.F.O at a football game the other night. It was just hangin there! And then it sent me a message,in big bright shiny letters. It told me I was gonna have a good year.

   Hey! It's called facebook, a social networking site, NOT faithbook, a cram your religious beliefs down my throat site. Hiding!

   A Foolish Man tells a Woman to "Shut Da Hell Up", but a Wise Man tells Her That her Mouth is Extremely Beautiful When Her Lips are Closed.

   Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic

   To my fb friends that are addicted to farmvillle or farmtown or whatever it is...If you didn't notice, I do not participate~ However if you feel the need to send me things, in my real world, I could use a mansion on the beach with 3 maids, 1 cook, at leas

   thinks the GOP's new nickname, the party of "No" is perfect....they have no ideas, no brains, no balls, no candidates worth a damn', and no history of success.

   Badder then your Ex and Better then your next

   How do you make a bunch of old ladies say "F*CK!". Shout "BINGO!".

   Tiger Woods and Toyota should team up for a comeback and their moto should be "I swear we can stop!"

   I said to a guy, "Tell me, what is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful," and he said, "Because it intensifies your personality." I said, "Yes, but what if you're an a$$hole?"

   If men honestly answered the facebook question: What's on your mind? Facebook would be like a pornsite

   If men really wrote answered facebook question ; What's on your mind? Facebook would be like a pornsite

   I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.