Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   your really ugly, please stop trying to take seductive pictures of yourself...

   I'll have a Cafe-Moca-Vodka-Valium-Latte to go please...

   wonders why people say "that sucks" for bad things; clearly they haven't had any experience that relates to the second word within quotes

   the guy in the stall next to you.I just made a noise so you know I`m there..

   just at the doctors office getting a prostate exam, probably shouldn't have eaten beans and saurkraut beforehand

   thinks people should create their own party instead of complaining about everyone in power.

   thinks that this is finally some "change" we can believe in............failing!

   translating naughty words on google translate.

   why is that when you don't agree with anything Obama is doing his "fans" always come back with lame remark about Bush just cause you dont like Obama doesnt mean you are pro Bush ignorant fools.

   Life is too short to dance with fat chicks

   I've just got a nice little part-time job at the local funeral home.I only work mournings.

   thinks the legalization of marijuana for medicinal purposes should have been part of the Health care Bill.

   Approverypriate...Sorry - that was very inappropriate

   such a beautiful day, not a sky in the clouds!!

   At first I didn't understand why Obama was so focussed on destroying America's health-care system, then I remembered that he promised thousands of shovel-ready jobs....grave diggers will soon be in high demand.

   If you're tired of everyone's FB status telling you to copy and paste their status as your status, copy this and paste it as your status.

   1065 friends on facebook and not one of ya came to vist me.........so up yours

   To be upset over what you don't have is to waste what you do have.

   Oh, I know that look. That's the look that shrivels me testes.

   I'm a genius we should get together a make smart children