Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6051 of 6369
Trick-or-treating has been canceled, so this Halloween I will be giving out advice.
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10-30-2020 13:09
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My Halloween costume this year is a red cape and a witches broom – I’m gonna be little red riding wood.
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10-30-2020 13:09
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*at boss’s funeral, kneeling and whispering at coffin* Who’s “thinking outside the box” now, Gary? Not you that’s for sure
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10-30-2020 13:10
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Hands up if you’ve given yourself a bloody nose by swooping down a little too eagerly on the buffet and smashing into the sneeze guard. So, just me? Okay.
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10-30-2020 13:11
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I used my husband’s deodorant, so if you need me to explain how to throw a football I can do that for you.
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10-30-2020 13:14
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Since hockey has been cancelled, nobody has seen the Zamboni driver. But I’m sure he will resurface eventually .
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10-30-2020 14:07
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They said no texting while driving but they never said anything about glassblowing
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10-30-2020 14:52
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My favourite Celine Dion song is the one where it's muted all the way through.
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10-30-2020 15:35
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What's the difference if someone with mental illness come at you with a knife vs someone without mental illness comes at you with a knife?
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10-31-2020 06:44
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Have to say this is the first time just about everyone's wearing a mask on Halloween.
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10-31-2020 12:33
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With the pandemic just curious if anyone’s house got toilet papered or sprayed with Lysol last night.
Due to all that's happened so far this year, I have no choice but to deduct 2 stars from my original TripAdvisor review of Earth
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11-01-2020 13:23
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What a great Halloween. Thanks for giving us the night off Covid!
The election is rigged...unless I win
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11-02-2020 09:27
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The vaccine shot was promised to be ready today. Where can I go to get the shot?
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11-02-2020 09:45
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In the next verse of the song, the mother of the 5 Little Monkeys receives a massive doctor’s bill.
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11-02-2020 10:01
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Date: I’m sorry, I can’t see you anymore Waldo: Oh sorry that always happens when I stand next to a barber pole
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11-02-2020 10:02
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Does everyone have that neighbour who fixes his car every weekend, even though nothing is wrong with it? That’s twitter in human form.
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11-02-2020 10:02
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A pirate dating app called, “Shiver Me Tinders”
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11-02-2020 10:04
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My lifetime taco-to-salad ratio is 16413 to 1.
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11-02-2020 10:04
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