Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6011 of 6369
A Person, Woman, Man, Camera, TV walk into a bar... I’ve forgotten the rest!
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07-25-2020 13:41
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You got your reparations. From our taxes paying for your food stamps, section 8 housing and free school lunches.
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07-26-2020 08:30
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I'm too smart to be happy.
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07-26-2020 15:26 by MigdaGwig
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Running with the Spanish bulls, Seattle WA and Portland OR, tonight, live on Pay per view
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07-27-2020 05:17
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Maybe we should all start calling 2020 are lucky number and see if things might change!
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07-27-2020 06:21 by moon
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If anyone actually believed the polls, there would be no rioting.
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07-27-2020 06:35
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ACED my prostate exam!
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07-27-2020 08:32
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I don’t have one junk drawer anymore. I’m 46, I have a junk life.
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07-27-2020 08:33
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My wife after pulling weeds… I want a goat
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07-27-2020 08:34
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My wife is not satisfied with my assurances that the spider is dead. I must also produce a death certificate, pictures from the funeral and the names and addresses of next of kin.
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07-27-2020 08:34
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I’d explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons with me.
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07-27-2020 08:35
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I’m at the “my 7 yr old gave himself a hickey on his arm” part of the parenting journey. Hashtag blessed.
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07-27-2020 08:36
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NEW PARENTS: if your baby is still in diapers, make things simpler and safer by never having chocolate pudding in the house
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07-27-2020 08:37
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Son: what’s the term for animals that come out in the dark? Me: party?
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07-27-2020 08:37
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I’m really proud of myself for getting the daily requirement of produce stickers in my diet today.
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07-27-2020 08:38
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Do you have anything the size of an eyepatch on the left & a cantaloupe on the right? – Me, bra shopping
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07-27-2020 08:38
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These are troubling times, but as an incredibly drunk philosopher once said, “you can’t make lemonade without breaking a few eggs”
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07-27-2020 08:39
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2020 is every Nic Cage movie, without Nic Cage.
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07-27-2020 08:39
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My neighbours were furious last time I held a yard sale. I sold their house.
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07-27-2020 08:40
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Leaving the house, I put on a mask, sunglasses, a hat and headphones. You guys, I think I’ve turned into Mr. Potato Head.
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07-27-2020 08:48
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