Baddie Funny Status Messages

   When I said I'd give you multiples I was talking about my personalities.

   HEY GRAPEFRUIT, know what else is a grape AND a fruit? GRAPES. yeah. so get your own name you citrus idiot

   I wish the dollar store sold sex.

   Golf - Because even douchebags need fresh air too.

   If you can't be with the one you drugged, drug the one you're with.

   Well I just broke up with my girlfriend 'cause I'm engaged now.

   Just looked up from my phone. Worst 5 seconds of my life.

   Wearing a bra with tinny boobs is like carrying a wallet with no cash.

   If I had wanted to talk I would've worn underwear

   Every Steven Seagal movie is 90 minutes of me looking for the remote to change the damn channel.

   Wait a second, you guys have friends in real life?

   It's really difficult to take your argument seriously with your extreme use of emoji's.

   You had me at, "Why do people keep asking me,what kind meds am I on?"

   I always keep a gun in my pocket so people won't think I'm happy to see them.

   Now that Fox News is 18 can we send it to Iraq?

   Wait. The US has a soccer team?

   Hey idiots who worship celebrities; if they had to shoot you or their dog, they'd also chop you up and watch the dog eat you.

   Pu$$y is the most expensive food in the world. And sometimes you pay and still you don't eat.

   "It's a boy!" I shouted as I ran away from the Thai brothel

   People who only sleep with one pillow are the real terrorists.