moon Funny Status Messages

   What came first the chicken or the egg all depends on whether or not I'm having breakfast or dinner.

   For some reason I have a feeling that I might have told you this joke about Deju Vu before.

   A termite walks into a bar and asks where's the bar tender?

   Shout out to all my friends who never post, like or say anything on Facebook, You're my heroes! But if you silent friend's could do me one little favor and like just this one status so I'll know your still out there breathing and actually give a damn wha

   I just burnt 550 calories without doing anything. And that's the last time I look at Facebook with pizza in the oven!

   Her: What sign are you most attracted to? Me: The Dunkin Donuts sign.

   When a girl says "Aw that's that's very sweet of you" to a male friend who asks her out on a date what she's really trying to say is "Back into the friends zone with you!"

   Rain rain go away so I don't waste all my time staring at Facebook all day.

   Whoever designed my new phone that uses power to light up, beep and shake on and off for 15 minutes or so before it dies should be fired.

   Shout out to the guy in the Beamer who gave me the finger for honking and waving at him. Your cell phone is on the roof of your car!

   Last year my New Year's resolution was to loss 30 lbs and now that we're about to ring in another New Year I'm happy to say that I've only got 40 more pounds to go!

   Just when I was getting use to writing 2019

   I'm so old I......just forgot what I was going to post?

   The problem with driving an old air-cooled Volkswagen bus is kids keep mistaking it as an ice cream truck, and the worst part is it's so slow they could almost catch you.

   Chalkboards are a remarkable invention.

   It's raining it's pouring and.......I never claimed to be a poet.

   One day we'll all be just a memory in people's lives, the trick is to make sure you do everything humanly possible to be a good memory. By, The cashier at Chipotle

   And suddenly people don't wonder any more if your living life to the fullest or have completely given up when you walk into the supermarket wearing pajamas.

   Maybe my New Year's resolution to hang out with more than three of my Facebook friends in 2020 was asking for too much?

   It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, A beautiful day for a socially distancing neighbor.