PAULB808 Funny Status Messages

   could it be? Is that water you are walking on? Oh wait, that is just your sh!t hole, sorry about that... thought you were someone who could judge others..

   Penn State University.......Pedophile U

   Don't focus on the one guy who hates you. You don't go to the park and set your picnic down next to the only pile of dog s##t

   I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom took away his WII, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own a$$

   how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready

   My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.

   when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vajajay" I knew I was at home.

   anyone want my old toaster oven? It's pretty snazzy…has the pattern of a loaf of Wonder Bread stained on the top of it….they're all the rage ya know…be the first of your friends to own one…at the low…low price of——-> FREE!”

   I bet him anul if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week

   I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

   like the real live version of the state fair..

   I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public

   I remember the day like it was yesterday when I realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights

   I guess the cop knew I was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home

   watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide

   I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.

   Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't f#cking clap." I was that white guy.

   ok....am I the only one that sings "Come on Irene" laughs then knows I shouldnt?

   facebook – Never letting you forget any of the douchebags you've fuct

   we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.