JEBI Funny Status Messages

   I got married so that I can be autocorrected even when my phone is off.

   I feel bad for my american friends... they only have 2 idiots to choose from in their elections...50/50 chance of getting it wrong...

   The two major causes of depression are: a) having a wife, and b) not having a wife.

   My wife wanted a puppy .I didn't want a puppy . So we compromised and got a puppy...

   Whipped cream is just shaving cream that does whatever it's girlfriend tells it to do...

   If you park in the 'C' section of the hospital parking lot...do you have to climb out of the sunroof?

   My better half wants me to go to the store and pick up some spices...I told her"Ain't nobody got no thyme for that"...

   "I have a dream" - Martin Luther King jr "I have a drone" - Barrack Hussein Obama

   "Really???" - Barbie, the first time she saw Ken without pants

   If you're undecided...vote for the one that held the most babies...

   With all the negativity on the internet lately its nice to Charlie Sheen is positive...

   Women are like roads. They will take you to new places, they have beautiful curves, and I'm probably going to drive my car onto one soon.

   If your grandma's furniture is wrapped in plastic... Well it's probably because she's a squirter...

   This is the time of year when you can put mistletoe in your back pocket so that people who don't like you can kiss your...well you know...

   I recently went to the dentist and he wanted to take a mould of my mouth. When he was done he didn't like the mould so he asked me to do it again. I said "WHAT?! I usually make a good first impression..."

   I guess we know what the Pope is giving up for lent...being the Pope...

   The creator takes those who are strongest...so that those who are left behind have something to live up to. RIP Nelson Mandela

   iPhone 6 will be wider, but at my age, I'll tap anything...

   If she can still walk after se x to make you a sammich... then you're doing it wrong...

   I just made Romney noodles Obama self : - /