Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon You don’t like being treated the way that you treat others? That must really suck.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon T-shirt is actually short for tyrannosaurus shirt. It's because of the small arms.
←Rate | 05-24-2022 05:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just got a booty call from life, apparently it still wants to keep screwing me.
←Rate | 06-09-2022 23:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon FBI, CIA, DOJ: We have investigated ourselves and found ourselves to be innocent.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 02:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Trillion-dollar propaganda machine vs. people putting funny words on pictures.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 17:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If she starts drawing shapes on your chest after sex, just get up and leave. A very stupid question is coming.
←Rate | 07-03-2022 06:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Reach ~ as high as you can, and then a little higher. There you will find magic and possibility… and maybe even cookies.
←Rate | 05-12-2022 01:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If it actually snows, please stay home. Y’all can’t even drive when it’s sunny. Lol
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon They said, “Californy is the place we gotta flee,” so they loaded up the truck and moved back to Tennessee.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 02:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It might be called social media, but all I do is share photos and ignore people.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 17:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Never interrupt your opponent while he's making a mistake.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 01:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Doctor Doggo: “Hmmm…. I see. Have you tried barking at nothing? That might help.”
←Rate | 01-08-2023 12:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It’s called a joke, we used to tell them before people got drunk on soymilk.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 15:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You don’t become cooler with age, but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way of being cool. This is called the Geezer’s Paradox.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 18:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You can’t change someone who doesn’t see an issue with their actions.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 19:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You technically have 2 minutes to live, but every time you breathe it restarts the timer.
←Rate | 07-01-2022 01:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every few years, you reevaluate your concept of old. 😉
←Rate | 01-24-2023 00:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Teacher: “Today we will be talking about depressed people who share jokes all day as a coping mechanism.”
←Rate | 01-08-2023 17:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’m like an avocado, I’m only pleasant for a short period of time and it’s up to you to figure out when that is.
←Rate | 01-10-2023 01:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wife: Why is your back all scratched up? (flashback to me chasing a racoon after she told me to leave it alone) Me: I’m having an affair.
←Rate | 06-30-2022 01:04 Comments (0)  

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