Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6 of 6331

My favorite queso is the one you keep around for emergencies, just in queso.
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01-09-2023 03:08
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Child: I learned a joke at school. Me: Okay, let’s hear it. Child: What goes in stiff, but comes out soft? Me: Child: Me: Child: Me: Is it a- Wife comes running in from another room: IT’S SPAGHETTI! SPAGHETTI!
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01-13-2023 02:20
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Tommy Lee Jones ~ always has a look on his face, like his son just told him that he wants to ride unicycles professionally.
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01-19-2023 02:22
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In honor of the winter solstice I will also be cold, distant and filled with darkness.
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01-19-2023 02:05
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God Bless Rednecks! Merica!
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01-06-2023 01:23
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A dog and a cat are fighting about who is the favorite with humans. The dog says, “We are, because they named the canine tooth after us.” The cat smiles and says, “You are really not going to win this one.”
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01-09-2023 04:08
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Nothing is permanent in this world, not even our troubles.
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01-09-2023 03:32
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The only way I can catch errors in my messages, is to read them from my sent folder. 😏
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01-24-2023 00:19
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Someone should’ve tried domesticating bears 10,000 years ago. We really missed the mark with that one. Could be cuddled up with a bear right about now, but whatever.
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01-09-2023 03:40
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I just saved over 25 thousand dollars on a car battery because my car runs on gas.
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01-19-2023 02:26
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90’s Psychopath = 2020’s Gender fluid mainstream progressive.
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01-08-2023 16:32
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I’d like to help you out, which way did you come in?
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01-19-2023 04:05
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CDC: Covid is more deadly when people are obese. Gov: “Close The Gyms!”
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01-08-2023 14:40
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I’m like an avocado, I’m only pleasant for a short period of time and it’s up to you to figure out when that is.
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01-10-2023 01:26
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I’m busy right now, can I ignore you later?
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01-19-2023 04:08
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The hot water bottle I bought the other day doesn’t work. I put water in it like two hours ago and it still isn’t hot.
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01-04-2023 02:42
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FBI, CIA, DOJ: We have investigated ourselves and found ourselves to be innocent.
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01-08-2023 02:48
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I would slap the crap out of you, but there would be nothing left.
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01-23-2023 03:51
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If it actually snows, please stay home. Y’all can’t even drive when it’s sunny. Lol
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01-04-2023 02:45
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Moved the thermostat up one degree this morning as a little treat for the family.
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01-10-2023 01:36
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