Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6 of 6353

You don’t like being treated the way that you treat others? That must really suck.
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01-19-2023 04:06
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T-shirt is actually short for tyrannosaurus shirt. It's because of the small arms.
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05-24-2022 05:04
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Just got a booty call from life, apparently it still wants to keep screwing me.
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06-09-2022 23:28
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FBI, CIA, DOJ: We have investigated ourselves and found ourselves to be innocent.
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01-08-2023 02:48
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Trillion-dollar propaganda machine vs. people putting funny words on pictures.
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01-08-2023 17:20
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If she starts drawing shapes on your chest after sex, just get up and leave. A very stupid question is coming.
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07-03-2022 06:38
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Reach ~ as high as you can, and then a little higher. There you will find magic and possibility… and maybe even cookies.
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05-12-2022 01:36
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If it actually snows, please stay home. Y’all can’t even drive when it’s sunny. Lol
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01-04-2023 02:45
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They said, “Californy is the place we gotta flee,” so they loaded up the truck and moved back to Tennessee.
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01-08-2023 02:55
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It might be called social media, but all I do is share photos and ignore people.
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01-08-2023 17:21
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Never interrupt your opponent while he's making a mistake.
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01-06-2023 01:48
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Doctor Doggo: “Hmmm…. I see. Have you tried barking at nothing? That might help.”
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01-08-2023 12:09
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It’s called a joke, we used to tell them before people got drunk on soymilk.
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01-08-2023 15:07
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You don’t become cooler with age, but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way of being cool. This is called the Geezer’s Paradox.
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01-06-2023 18:19
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You can’t change someone who doesn’t see an issue with their actions.
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01-06-2023 19:34
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You technically have 2 minutes to live, but every time you breathe it restarts the timer.
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07-01-2022 01:49
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Every few years, you reevaluate your concept of old. 😉
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01-24-2023 00:18
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Teacher: “Today we will be talking about depressed people who share jokes all day as a coping mechanism.”
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01-08-2023 17:21
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I’m like an avocado, I’m only pleasant for a short period of time and it’s up to you to figure out when that is.
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01-10-2023 01:26
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Wife: Why is your back all scratched up? (flashback to me chasing a racoon after she told me to leave it alone) Me: I’m having an affair.
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06-30-2022 01:04
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