Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 6 of 6364

   messageicon Her: You haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said. Him: That’s a weird way to start a conversation.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 02:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can’t leave those who created the problem in charge of the solution.
←Rate | 06-19-2022 02:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Her: I have a child that needs a father figure. Him: I wear socks with sandals. Her: wow, you’re daddy af.
←Rate | 04-22-2022 23:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The older I get, the less life in prison is a deterrent.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 17:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All my updates come with an extra helping of cornbread dressing. While supplies last.
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If it’s out of your hands, then it deserves freedom from your mind too.
←Rate | 01-07-2023 12:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s important to get out of the house every once in a while, to remind yourself why you don’t go out.
←Rate | 01-12-2023 01:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Beginning to see the need for censorship. Certain people are just too ignorant to be allowed to speak.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’d like to thank my middle finger, for all those times sticking up for me when I needed it the most.
←Rate | 06-21-2022 22:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes the universe puts you in the same situation again to see if you’re still stupid.
←Rate | 06-26-2022 00:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The hardest part about driving a Hummer, is trying to find your wiener when you go pee-pee.
←Rate | 07-01-2022 01:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry I didn’t reply for 45 days. Lol What’s up?
←Rate | 01-06-2023 01:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The biggest story this week, is the suppression of a story about the suppression of a story. That story is also suppressed, we’ll have less on the story later.
←Rate | 01-07-2023 12:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can do all things through spite, which strengthens me.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life would be easier if we all had a video game health bar above our heads letting everyone know how close we are to a meltdown.
←Rate | 01-07-2023 12:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please don’t ride with me if you’re going to grab the dash and scream every time I run off the road. It makes me nervous.
←Rate | 01-07-2023 14:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My phone is always in my hand. So, if you think I’m ignoring you, I am.
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just caught my pecker in my zipper. No more zip-up boots for me.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do men still go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. The female to male ratio is ten to one, and they’re already looking for things they don’t need.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 01:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My school taught square dancing in the 4th grade, because you never know when a hoedown will break out.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 01:57 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left