SEAN Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Divorce---When being wrong every day for being alive isn't working for you.
←Rate | 01-16-2015 08:33 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you want some alone time, tell your husband that you're going to watch the Bachelor. Even if you're not.
←Rate | 01-16-2015 08:32 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Backseat drivers are the worst. They're always like "the light is red!" and "don't text and drive!" and "oh god, I think that was a person!"
←Rate | 01-16-2015 08:31 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're using a shopping cart at the liquor store I'm going to hit on you
←Rate | 01-16-2015 08:28 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's tough watching Charlie Brown's Christmas with my dog because both us know he's never won a lights display contest...
←Rate | 12-26-2014 08:44 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Recognizing Cuba, bastion of human oppression, is an insult to our noble allies in Saudi Arabia, Qatar, Yemen, Iraq, Pakistan and Texas.
←Rate | 12-22-2014 13:37 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon This pregnancy test confirmed my worst fear..... I'm just fat.
←Rate | 12-22-2014 13:36 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think Tampax and Hershey's should get together and offer a super pack....
←Rate | 12-22-2014 13:26 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish cats came with a counter that told you what life they were on. Number 8 kitty? Maybe you need to work on that attitude.
←Rate | 12-02-2014 11:50 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid, I really thought piranhas were going to be pretty much a daily concern.
←Rate | 12-02-2014 11:50 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon At a 3-year-old's birthday party, you can pee all over the bathroom. ALL OVER!!!! Nobody will suspect you.
←Rate | 12-02-2014 11:49 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thinking of having kids? Practice getting small children ready to play in the snow by wrestling a pair of gloves onto an angry octopus.
←Rate | 12-02-2014 11:49 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do I have a plan for the zombie apocalypse? I don't even have a battery in my smoke detector, and fire is real.
←Rate | 12-02-2014 11:48 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Started my post-Thanksgiving cleanse and I just coughed up several feathers and a pecan pie.
←Rate | 12-02-2014 11:48 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Giving me a Christmas ornament as a Christmas gift is like bringing vitamins to my funeral.
←Rate | 12-02-2014 11:47 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you show up at my party with an acoustic guitar, that thing better be filled with onion dip.
←Rate | 12-02-2014 11:47 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thought I was watching a commercial for Grand Theft Auto 5... Turns out I was watching CNN's reporting on Ferguson riots...
←Rate | 11-25-2014 11:49 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Am I the only one who's ever seen a fat ugly lady at Walmart with 7 screaming kids...and think who keeps doing you!
←Rate | 11-11-2014 09:58 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not saying my doctor is young, but he just texted me "2mer is B-9, woot!"
←Rate | 11-11-2014 09:04 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fair warning to bros calling me a sissy... your face WILL be posted on my Pinterest.
←Rate | 11-08-2014 13:03 by SEAN Comments (0)  




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