Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Girlfriend asked me to come to her place for a Black Friday special. All clothes were 100% off.
←Rate | 11-23-2018 02:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think some of my friend's have substituted their prescription meds with Facebook to feel thankful during the holiday seasons.
←Rate | 11-23-2018 02:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some people are like that annoying advert that suddenly cuts in the middle of a viral video.
←Rate | 11-23-2018 01:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I get addicted to eating cold turkey, idk how i'm going to quit
←Rate | 11-23-2018 00:24 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Everyone romaine calm and lettuce pray.
←Rate | 11-22-2018 13:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Guess it's time to throw out the leftovers from last Thanksgiving...
←Rate | 11-22-2018 12:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't usually cook... does anyone know how much vodka to put into mashed potatoes
←Rate | 11-22-2018 11:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Establish dominance by waiting until your wife serves the turkey and then tell her you already ate.
←Rate | 11-22-2018 11:01 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What if we boil the lettuce first?
←Rate | 11-22-2018 10:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I talk a lot about sex for someone who doesn’t remember it.
←Rate | 11-22-2018 10:51 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Javascript is when your doctor writes you a prescription for more coffee. Everyone knows that.
←Rate | 11-22-2018 07:46 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Maybe I talk to myself because I'm my own therapist
←Rate | 11-22-2018 07:45 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A man in a bar sees a fat girl dancing on a table. He says to her, "nice legs." She says "you realy think so?" The man says "oh yeah, most tables would have collapsed by now."
←Rate | 11-21-2018 23:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why do saudis wear a pizza tablecloth on their heads?
←Rate | 11-21-2018 18:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ha ha suckas....Pie and Cake are safer to eat than salad!
←Rate | 11-21-2018 17:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's that time of the year when stores play that rapey "Baby It's Cold Outside" song
←Rate | 11-21-2018 14:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why is trump pardoning a turkey? Did it murder a journalist?
←Rate | 11-21-2018 00:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A train station is where trains stop. A bus station is where buses stop. At my desk at work I have a work station.
←Rate | 11-20-2018 21:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "The more people I meet, the more I like my dog."
←Rate | 11-20-2018 18:06 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Wild Turkey on the rocks helps to cope with your relatives on Thanksgiving.
←Rate | 11-20-2018 15:38 by Pilgrim Comments (0)  

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