Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Ladies......If it takes you more than a hour to get ready, you aren't as cute as you think you are
←Rate | 01-10-2018 04:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Apparently these new inkjet cartridges were improved to show that the printer is already out of ink
←Rate | 01-09-2018 21:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "O say can you something something" - Donald Trump singing our National Anthem.
←Rate | 01-09-2018 20:59 Comments (12)  

   messageicon A lot of people were confused at the grand opening ceremony of our ribbon-repair business
←Rate | 01-09-2018 20:57 by markf Comments (0)  

   messageicon A fun prank for Halloween is to train your dog to sit and growl at the padlocked closet as your guests arrive
←Rate | 01-09-2018 20:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Musical Electric Chairs. For death row inmates. Lets make it fun and televise it. . .
←Rate | 01-09-2018 19:15 by JAB Comments (0)  

   messageicon Donald J. Trump. The "J" stands for genius.
←Rate | 01-09-2018 18:18 by Mr.Conservative Comments (6)  

   messageicon You millenials have it so good --- we could only like 6 songs max and had to carve their names in a rock
←Rate | 01-09-2018 18:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How do dragons blow out candles on their birthday cake?
←Rate | 01-09-2018 17:58 by markf Comments (0)  

   messageicon I bought a screwdriver bit for my electric drill. It's useful for converting ordinary phillips screws into non removable screws.
←Rate | 01-09-2018 17:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If given a choice between getting a tattoo or throwing my money on the ground, whoever is behind me is going to be very happy!
←Rate | 01-09-2018 13:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Be nice to overweight people. They have a lot on their plate.
←Rate | 01-09-2018 11:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I got so drunk I blacked out for two hours, I couldn't snap out of it...Then I realized I’d just put my hoodie on backwards.
←Rate | 01-09-2018 01:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he's adopted.
←Rate | 01-08-2018 17:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Inside my house I have a smaller house that keeps food cold and an even smaller house that heats food up...
←Rate | 01-08-2018 12:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's so cold out... the guy at Super America has a towel on his head.
←Rate | 01-08-2018 11:45 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Instead of going to Starbucks, I like to make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
←Rate | 01-08-2018 11:43 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon According to Webster's dictionary, "Patriotism" is defined as loving a country. "Gay" is defined as one man loving another world leader who happens to be a man.
←Rate | 01-08-2018 11:31 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Random Fact: Fish don't have penetration sex. They closest they ever get to sex is masturbation.
←Rate | 01-08-2018 10:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've gotten to the age where if I see a coin lying on the ground I figure anything less that a quarter isn't worth the aches and pains of leaning over to pick it up.
←Rate | 01-08-2018 09:34 Comments (0)  

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