lemonpillow Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon If you have a parrot and you don't teach it to say,"Help, they've turned me into a parrot", you are wasting everybody's time.
←Rate | 09-29-2010 14:05 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Random thought: Ed Hardy shirts are the new sweatpants; wearing them in public means you've given up on life.
←Rate | 09-27-2010 12:14 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
←Rate | 09-27-2010 12:13 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon While getting dressed this morning, I decided I have been spending waaaaay too much time on the computer, when I caught myself checking the lower right corner of my make-up mirror to see what time it was.
←Rate | 09-26-2010 08:35 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Junk- something you keep for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
←Rate | 09-26-2010 08:33 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon When nudists put on a play, do they argue about who has the biggest part?
←Rate | 09-25-2010 13:47 by lemonpillow Comments (1)  


   messageicon DNS FAILURE: Facebook is down which means 9 months from today, many children will be born.
←Rate | 09-23-2010 17:23 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..i think Facebook needs a "Yes I Like Your Status And Have Commented On It ... But I Don't Want To Know When Everyone Else F*cking Does!" button
←Rate | 09-22-2010 17:14 by lemonpillow Comments (1)  


   messageicon Just brought some things the the shop..went to pay for it and the lady at to the counter said "1.69 please". I said "Sorry.Can't I pay with money instead?"
←Rate | 09-22-2010 15:01 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.
←Rate | 09-22-2010 14:06 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Is it just me or is "Top News" on Facebook more like "Old news that is mediocre"?
←Rate | 09-21-2010 14:13 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon One of the great mysteries to me is the fact that us women can pour hot wax on our legs, rip the hair out by the roots, and still be afraid of a spider.
←Rate | 09-20-2010 14:28 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was on a plane the other day and when it landed, the pilot said, "Those of you needing wheelchair assistance, please remain seated." I don't think they had much of a choice.
←Rate | 09-19-2010 10:49 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon .as the Pope visits us here in the U.K.,i ask myself "If Catholics say God looks down on homosexuality,what does He do when your Priests are messing with little boys? Whistle and turn the other way?"
←Rate | 09-18-2010 13:40 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon My local newspaper is now publishing online. I'm potty training my puppy and he's already ruined three computers.
←Rate | 09-18-2010 12:17 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I lost my phone for an hour. The day I lost my 5 year-old neice at the zoo is now the second most terrifying experience of my life.
←Rate | 09-17-2010 14:14 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon likes saying YOU'RE WELCOME really loudly when people don't thank you.
←Rate | 09-17-2010 14:11 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon The equation for Lady Gaga's Bad Romance :(RAH)^2 (AH)^3 + RO(MA +(MA)^2) + (GA)^2 + OOH(LA)^2
←Rate | 09-17-2010 02:10 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon In America, you will eventually have a President that used to play Pokemon as a child. Scary.
←Rate | 09-15-2010 13:37 by lemonpillow Comments (2)  


   messageicon Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ass?
←Rate | 09-15-2010 13:35 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  




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