Hiyourjon Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Lawyer: "You've been released!" Aaron Hernandez: "Great, so I can go home?" Lawyer: "Shìt, sorry. I mean you've been released by the Pats."
←Rate | 06-26-2013 13:11 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon The average human walks 900 miles per year and drinks 22 gallons of beer. That means the average human gets 41 miles per gallon.
←Rate | 06-23-2013 21:55 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon This driving test is going terribly.
←Rate | 06-23-2013 21:22 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've got 99 problems, which really bothers me since I've also got OCD and I prefer even numbers.
←Rate | 06-23-2013 11:16 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet all the Heat fans are super excited for Game 8 tomorrow night.
←Rate | 06-21-2013 23:56 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm sorry, but since when did an unmarried minority couple naming their baby something stupid become news?
←Rate | 06-21-2013 15:14 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm on day 4 of no carbs and I see the difference already. 4 days ago I was fat & happy but now I'm fat and I wish I was dead
←Rate | 06-19-2013 20:33 by hiyourjon Comments (0)  


   messageicon The NSA says it stopped a Wall Street attack, just not the ginormous ones the bankers perpetrated.
←Rate | 06-18-2013 19:47 by hiyourjon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember: 'Stressed' is just 'Desserts' spelt backwards.
←Rate | 06-18-2013 15:42 by hiyourjon Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Bailiff! Why is this evidence covered in chocolate pudding?" Because, your honor, *smiles* The proof is in the- "Get out of my courtroom."
←Rate | 06-18-2013 13:48 by hiyourjon Comments (0)  


   messageicon i'm giving up dryer sheets for lint
←Rate | 06-17-2013 23:03 by hiyourjon Comments (0)  


   messageicon A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked me "Where were you between four and six?" I replied, "Kindergarden"
←Rate | 06-17-2013 14:34 by hiyourjon Comments (0)  


   messageicon very sad that fathers only get one day but sharks get a whole week
←Rate | 06-16-2013 13:13 by hiyourjon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lighting a cigarette immediately after buckling your seat belt is like saying "I wanna die soonish, just not today."
←Rate | 06-14-2013 20:57 by hiyourjon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kenya please explain why you called Chad a Niger? You Congo around using words like that or all of a Sudan you Ghana have no place Togo
←Rate | 06-14-2013 11:05 by hiyourjon Comments (0)  


   messageicon a police uniform is just another gang color
←Rate | 06-13-2013 14:24 by hiyourjon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Commercial idea : shaq in front of a mirror singing "love shaq, baby love shaq" into a hairbrush
←Rate | 06-13-2013 00:48 by hiyourjon Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person... So that I can find a better girlfriend!
←Rate | 06-12-2013 09:10 by hiyourjon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, so are we dating yet??!
←Rate | 06-11-2013 22:17 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cellphones have two brightness settings: “dim” and “the messiah is back”
←Rate | 06-11-2013 20:49 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  




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