SEAN Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Just found out What the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
←Rate | 09-15-2011 09:56 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon I cant believe I saw a woman wearing slippers in church today! I almost dropped my beer.
←Rate | 09-15-2011 14:00 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.
←Rate | 09-15-2011 14:01 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate when people see me at the super market & the're like "Hey what you doing here?" & I'm just like "Oh you know hunting zebras"
←Rate | 09-20-2011 10:18 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon When a cop pulls you over for doing 32 in a 30, I dont advise calling him a Nazi, unless you are looking for 3 square meals a day and a shower, fml
←Rate | 09-20-2011 17:53 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon 4 shots of 5 hour energy this morning, not only do I look like I have Parkinsons, but I can actually see sound waves resonating when people talk to me.
←Rate | 10-04-2011 08:14 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon My ex offered me a ride to the appointment, I declined and politely told her that I didn't think we would both fit on her broom...
←Rate | 10-19-2011 08:46 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Had dinner with a girl tonight! Ok so maybe she was on the tv, but we were eating at the same time so I'm counting it.
←Rate | 10-25-2011 17:16 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Satan came to me today and asked if he frieghtened me, I said no- not in the least bit, I said I used to be married to your sister...
←Rate | 10-31-2011 08:10 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon I love deer season, Especially when I am driving alone in my Blazer , it's amazing how fast I purposely turn into a Comacazi pilot when I see a deer in the middle of the road-
←Rate | 11-01-2011 15:27 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not one to brag about my Press exposure but yes, it's true what they're saying in my local paper. I am selling my couch
←Rate | 11-01-2011 16:12 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon What was longer.... Kim Kardashian's marriage or theTrick-or-Treat line outside of Casey Anthony's house?
←Rate | 11-01-2011 16:13 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Speaking from experience, No More Tears shampoo does not work as advertised if you drop the bottle on a baby's face.
←Rate | 11-01-2011 16:13 by sean Comments (0)  

   messageicon Do I look like Christopher Columbus? Am I guiding a ship to a new land? So, when I ask for directions, please don't use words like "East."
←Rate | 11-01-2011 16:19 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Since when did remembering names become such a thing? I think I offended dog face girl, again.
←Rate | 11-01-2011 16:21 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Auctioneers are proof white guys could rap if they tried hard enough.
←Rate | 11-01-2011 16:22 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not a fan of stupid conspiracy theories, but I'm fully aware that Governments slow down time on weekdays & speed it up on weekends.
←Rate | 11-01-2011 16:23 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Had to take a drug test on my lunch break for my life insurance policy, the lady told me that I passed and asked me why I look so angry, I told her that my dealer has some explaining to do now....
←Rate | 11-02-2011 17:51 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you're genuinely surprised about Kim Kardashian getting divorced, I need to tell you something about Santa Claus...
←Rate | 11-03-2011 10:54 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon I keep seeing studies finding fecal matter on things. Anyone considered that perhaps it's the scientists that aren't washing their hands?
←Rate | 11-03-2011 17:39 by SEAN Comments (0)  

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