lemonpillow Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon filthy,stinking rich. Well,two out of three ain't bad.
←Rate | 11-25-2009 18:52 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hangovers: the wrath of grapes.
←Rate | 11-25-2009 18:53 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon An Indian man dies and goes to Heaven. At the Pearly Gates,he meets an angel. Angel asks "Who are you here to see?". "Jesus!" the man replies. The angel then shouts "Jesus! Your taxi's here!".
←Rate | 11-26-2009 12:23 by Lemonpillow Comments (1)  


   messageicon Chocolate is the answer to EVERYTHING!
←Rate | 11-27-2009 11:58 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw an unemployed,homeless dwarf. He had a sign that said "No job. Too small."
←Rate | 11-29-2009 10:01 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
←Rate | 11-29-2009 10:39 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
←Rate | 11-29-2009 10:46 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon If sex is a pain in the arse,then you're doing it wrong.
←Rate | 11-29-2009 17:04 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm calling in blind this morning. I can't see myself going into work today.
←Rate | 11-30-2009 03:51 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron.
←Rate | 11-30-2009 18:54 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.
←Rate | 11-30-2009 18:55 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women don't hit harder. We hit lower.
←Rate | 11-30-2009 23:43 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Haikus are easy. But sometimes they don't make sense. Refrigerator.
←Rate | 11-30-2009 23:56 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon 90% of men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave their house. The rest kiss their house goodbye when they leave their wife.
←Rate | 12-01-2009 12:33 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon heavily medicated for your protection.
←Rate | 12-01-2009 12:46 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon My mother wants me to get up and go to work. But the voices in my head want me to stay home and clean the guns.
←Rate | 12-01-2009 19:40 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon heard that Christmas is being cancelled! Santa was beaten up by three black women after he walked down the street saying "Ho! Ho! Ho!"
←Rate | 12-02-2009 12:21 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon chugging NyQuil until sugar plums really are dancing in my head
←Rate | 12-02-2009 16:49 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tiger Woods: never satisfied with a hole in one.
←Rate | 12-03-2009 05:35 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I should have guessed that huge red toy on the wall at the sex shop was too good to be true! Oh well. I might be $50 shorter but I now have a fire extinguisher for the home!
←Rate | 12-03-2009 11:59 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  




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