totalpackage Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I'm convinced my physical therapist thinks I'm a cross between "Gumby" and "Stretch Armstrong"....Today I left her office (a.k.a medieval torture chamber) folded into some form of decorative origami. :/
←Rate | 08-05-2011 16:54 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Less than 2% of people polled believed former Penn State coach Jerry San-butt-sky's claims of innocence in an interview last night which makes him even less popular than male pole dancing among the American public!
←Rate | 11-15-2011 11:37 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a very busy Sunday planned today......Watching football and Nascar while converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. ツ
←Rate | 11-13-2011 07:53 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I call the cops on myself so the neighbors think I'm having a kick-ass party! ツ
←Rate | 03-09-2012 03:05 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never wave to a proctologist...You may get the finger in return!
←Rate | 08-31-2011 13:18 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think the show "Toddlers & Tiaras" was named that way because "Strippers in training" and "Mothers with self esteem issues" just wasn't as catchy.
←Rate | 10-11-2011 22:43 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon The bad news: Tom Cruise is playing an 80's rockstar at nearly 50, Yikes!!!...The worse news: The only women old enough to play his groupies are Betty White & Barbara Walters! ツ
←Rate | 06-14-2012 16:28 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon found out the reason for our mild Winter....Someone removed the duct tape from Al Gores "pie hole!"
←Rate | 02-06-2012 20:25 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon The bum economy has sent gold prices sky rocketing....It's so high that an angry flash mob looted Mr. T!
←Rate | 08-20-2011 15:56 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Due to the nice weather, local kids are setting up a lemonade stand on St. Paddy's Day....Jeez, haven't they even heard of green beer?!
←Rate | 03-16-2012 01:58 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Note to self: Try not to run out of TP the day after thankgiving....Now I'm gonna need a 40 ounce beer and a few "disco biscuits" to deal with all these "Black Friday" freaks!
←Rate | 11-25-2011 00:42 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks facebook should be responsible for funding all these foreign wars it keeps getting us into.....Pay up, Zuckerburg!!!
←Rate | 03-24-2011 23:37 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hard to believe Amy Winehouse "vapor locked" today....I always thought that heroine, speed, crack and booze were part of the 4 basic food groups.
←Rate | 07-23-2011 13:30 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Last years Halloween hand-outs of cough drops and marbles were such a hit, I'll be adding baby aspirin and cod liver oil to this years rotation....Trick-or treat! ツ
←Rate | 10-25-2012 12:33 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon The next person I hear blaring "Gangnam Style" at a stoplight is getting stabbed in the temples with an olive fork!
←Rate | 12-04-2012 21:58 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't believe they're holding off until Christmas for the M̶c̶D̶e̶a̶t̶h̶ McRib this season.....What better time of year for your McBowels to get the McMoves like McJagger and ruin your holiday?!
←Rate | 09-18-2012 20:46 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I thought I saw an "Occupy Wall Street" support group tonight....Turns out it was just a dozen city cops occupying Dunkin' Donuts.
←Rate | 11-17-2011 01:43 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon <----- threw a crate of Milk Duds all over the floor at a Weight Watchers meeting last night....It was the best game of "Hungry Hungry Hippos" I ever saw!
←Rate | 12-18-2011 14:12 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon In celebration of turning a year older, I'll be wearing my birthday suit all day.....so just make sure that's my HAND you're shaking at church tomorrow!
←Rate | 10-21-2012 01:09 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon riding that train high on cocaine!
←Rate | 10-13-2011 09:13 by totalpackage Comments (0)  



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