MTQ Funny Status Messages

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Page: 6 of 8

   messageicon Gangnam Style: Dancing like an overweight Ch!nk getting b0ned up the a$$ by a sumo wrestler while wearing handcuffs that were put on by a ret@rded cop.
←Rate | 03-28-2013 07:09 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Labor Day, when we briefly pause from demonizing unions to enjoy mattress sales in their honor.
←Rate | 09-05-2011 05:51 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Older women are called Cougars because their pu$$ies are big and hairy.
←Rate | 12-20-2011 07:35 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you have a facebook page that features both you and your're a h0m0.
←Rate | 11-10-2012 09:19 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Be on the lookout for the latest wave of terrorists to enter the USA: M'Balz Es-Hari.....Graabir Boubi....Hous Bin Pharteen...and the most dangerous of the four, I-Zheet M'Draurz.
←Rate | 11-29-2011 13:38 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon I invented a steak sauce. The ingredients; Au Jus, Shiitake Mushrooms, and Vinegar. No one will market it. They have a problem with the name. I named after the three ingredients. What's so bad about: "Au Shiit Niga!"
←Rate | 12-09-2011 10:19 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon if our women with babies use little spoons and forks to feed them. what do chinese people use? tooth picks?
←Rate | 06-14-2011 13:45 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up. They have no holidays.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 06:53 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Did you remember to set your clocks one hour ahead for Daylight Reappropriated Time?
←Rate | 03-10-2013 09:07 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just found out why Heidi Klum filed for divorce. Against her wishes....Seal would balance, spin, and bounce her up n' down on the tip of his nose whilst happily barking and clapping.
←Rate | 12-04-2012 10:50 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon The stores are packed with folks gearing up for their Easter fashion shows, the same way they do for Christmas. The central figure for both these holidays was reduced to wearing a loin cloth for one, and swaddling for the other.
←Rate | 03-26-2013 05:54 by mtq Comments (0)  

   messageicon Winners in Arizona and Missouri. The Arizona winner will blow it all on skin lotion, and the Missouri winner will blow it all on having someone prove to them that they actually won.
←Rate | 11-29-2012 07:21 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Asking me if you can "jam on my guitar" is like asking me if you can sleep with my girl. If anything, your chances of me okaying you sleeping with my girl are exponentially greater.
←Rate | 12-23-2012 09:59 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Q.) What's the speed limit of s3x? A.) 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.
←Rate | 09-23-2011 18:50 by MTQ Comments (1)  

   messageicon A woman interviewing me for a job, was hot, but a real b!tch. She goes, "Are you bi-lingual?" I didn't even want the job at this point, so I said, "Yes, I can lick ur pu$$y and ur a$$hole. "SECURITY!!!!"
←Rate | 10-13-2011 18:26 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Lies, deception, self centeredness, greed, al. Then there was the bad side.
←Rate | 12-23-2012 19:24 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have a great name for a dating site which pretty much sums the whole thing up in a nutshell...Desperate Losers.
←Rate | 04-11-2013 07:47 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon When a thief kisses you, count your teeth.
←Rate | 08-30-2011 07:55 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some women are wound up tighter than the girdle of a Baptist minister's wife at an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast.
←Rate | 07-30-2011 10:20 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm seeing this really hot chick. Yet I have no friends to tell it to. I mean, it was okay to tell my girlfriend, right? It was okay?
←Rate | 11-12-2011 11:33 by MTQ Comments (0)  

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